Over Christmas break, I got a decal from a sticker machine in the foyer of Pamida. Right now, it's duct-taped to the bulletin board in my dorm room.

So, do me a favor: Think of your favorite decal ever.

Yeah. It sucks. Hard. It sucks hard.

At least, it sucks hard compared to this decal.

This decal is colorful. And shiney. And over-sized.

And oh... did I mention this decal is made to resemble a California driver's license?

But this ain't your regular California driver's license, mom and dad! It's got an illustration of a beach and rollerbladers and palm trees and a sun. And like all driver's licenses, it also features a picture of its owner. Apparently, her name is Kailey Jones. She's got blue eyes, blonde hair, and skin like Ivory soap. These are her stats (according to the decal/driver's license):

KAILEY JONES
208 SEADRIFT COURT
VENICE BEACH, CA 97808

SEX: F
HAIR: Blonde
EYES: Blue
(there's no mention of her skin being like Ivory soap)
HT: 5'5''
WT: 125
BORN: GUESS

That's right! Guess! Guess when she was born, you sonuvabitch!

Why is this decal duct-taped to my bulletin board? Because I don't have the guts to tear off the back and stick it somewhere. I'm too worried I'll put it on something and change my mind. You only get decals like this once in your life.

And yes, I tried to stick it into the "driver's license section" of my wallet, but it didn't fit. It was just too big. That's how grand it is.

But this is a promise: I will get it officially recognized as my driver's license when I move to California this August.

That you can count on!

Love,
Kailey Jones