Because of shooting on Friday, I had to miss No Shame.
A moment ago, I woke up from an extended, horrible dream where I alternately:
a. Was late for No Shame
b. Came without a written script
c. Came with only a copy for myself and not my actors
d. Bombed horribly
This is the No Shame dream equivalent of coming to school naked or missing a final exam.
As you can probably guess - with your pop-psych grasp on human behavior, No Shame means a lot to me. This is the first No Shame I've missed all year (and the first No Shame I've missed where I've been in Iowa City at the same time a No Shame is going on - since I began it four years ago) and it's thrown me for a loop. I don't write about it very much in my blog (mainly because I figure the people who read it are No Shame-related folks and I don't want to talk about aspects they already know about me), but regardless, No Shame is a major part of my life.
Of course, I'm a little scared about what's gonna' happen when I have to leave it in May. I know I'll miss it. And I'll have to adjust.
And yeah... you'd be right to say that this has something to do with me losing attention. It's true. I like attention and No Shame gives me it. But it's a lot, lot, lot more than that. Corny or not, I believe in No Shame as an institution. I think it's the best forum in Iowa City for young writers and performers. The artists it's helped to guide and improve and eventually churn out into the world is staggering. Furthermore, it's a forum for people to communicate and exchange ideas... for audiences to witness new and exciting art (in a world that is increasingly losing it). So it's this - above all other reasons of histrionics - why I like No Shame.
Obviously, I'm sure there's some writers and performers at No Shame who see it merely as a "stepping stone" and as an opportunity for 100 strangers to adore you. And while that's all well and good (and I certainly wouldn't be self-righteous enough to come down on those people), I regard No Shame as something... er... really beautiful. Important. Vital. Life-changing.
I like No Shame. I believe in No Shame.
And I'm going to miss it when I go.
I just hope that my next six months after I graduate aren't littered with No Shame nightmares like last night's.