Monday, January 31, 2005


These two letters, ladies and gentle-mints, are my initials. The "R" is for "Rust" and the "P," of course, is for "Pauly Dangerfield."

But what else does "P.R." stand for? And more importantly, how does it relate to my overall personality?

Most commonly, P.R. stands for "Public Relations." True to my initials, I engage in a "public relations"-like attitude when I'm onstage performing. For it is here where I PUBLICALLY RELATE with the audience. I share jokes (AKA "laffers") and to a greater extent, my all-encompassing wisdom (AKA "laffer-taffers").

Second most commonly, P.R. stands for "Punk Rock." THIS IS WHERE MY NAME MOST MATCHES MY INITIALS! FOR SERIOUS!!! I am at my most punk rock when I employ another set of initials: D.I.Y. (AKA "Do It Yourself").

NOTE: It is also "Punk Rock" to incorrectly refer to abbreviations as a "set of initials."

Finally, if you take my full name, Paul Robert Rust, you get the initials... P.R.R. This, as we all know, is the sound a kitty makes when it is satisfied. Purrrrr. It is also linked with sexiness (i.e. people on TV make purring sounds when they want to kiss each other... or so is my understanding). CORRECTION! THIS IS WHERE MY NAME MOST MATCHES MY INITIALS! Not only am I a satisfied cat, but I'm also very, very, very sexy.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get my pictures taken for a photo-spread in Play-cat (feline variation on Playboy). And Cat-house (feline variation on Penthouse). And Cat-cat (feline variation on Playgirl).

Seacrest... Meow-t!

Friday, January 28, 2005

1. Dave "Gruber" Allen (Monday, August 30th, 2004)
2. Gedde Watanabe (Tuesday, September 14th, 2004)
3. Joey Pantoliano (Sunday, September 19th, 2004)
4. Patrick Renna (Monday, September 20th, 2004)
5. Randy Jackson (Tuesday, September 21st, 2004)
6. Richard Riehle (Monday, October 4th, 2004)
7. Dwier Brown (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
8. Betsy Randle (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
9. Michael J. Anderson (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
10. Rider Strong (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
11. Heather Graham (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
12. Andy Berman (Friday, October 29th, 2004)
13. David Spade (Tuesday, November 9th, 2004)
14. Henry Winkler (Friday, December 10th, 2004)
15. Joe Elliott (Sunday, January 2nd, 2005)
16. Glenn Danzig (Saturday, January 22nd, 2005)
17. Jay Leno (Thursday, January 27th, 2005)

Blah, blah, blah. I saw Jay Leno on Melrose Ave., doing one of his "Jaywalking" bits. But there's more important things to discuss!

Such as...

So, I haven't watched an episode of Murphy Brown in 11 years, right?

To be sure, I watched the series religiously during its' hey-day - far more than any young pre-teen boy actually should. While most guys in the fifth grade were watching professional football games, I spent my Monday evenings with a D.C. career gal.

I also read a lot of "Cathy." Lots and lots of "Cathy."

Still, I haven't watched Murphy Brown in over a decade.

So can someone please explain to me why - no less than an hour ago - I sat and watched the last episode of Murphy Brown on Nick at Nite... and cried my eyes out?

My guess? It was the absence of Miles Silverberg. That old, nebbish Miles Silverberg. We will miss you, dear friend.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Check it out. A friend emailed me about this.

Whoever can link me and Dennis Haskins in the fewest amount of jumps, sign my guestbook with the proof and you'll get special recognition in a future blog entry.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

It was Sunday the 23rd!

Me and my friends/buddies/partners-in-rhyme were in the apartment, eating KFC (formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken) (formerly known as Greasy Fat Bones Will Kill You).

I wanted some mashed-potatoes-'n-gravy as a side, so as can be expected, I:

1) Made room for it on my plate
2) Opened up the styrofoam container
3) And naturally... I stuck a pen into the mashed potatoes.

Pen?! Mashed potatoes?! WHAT?!

Apparently, since the pen was the same color as the KFC silverware, I thought it could serve the same purpose.

As a result, I had mashed potatoes all over my favorite pen.

... Hmm. Does this constitute as a "story?" You decide, America.

Monday, January 24, 2005

1. Dave "Gruber" Allen (Monday, August 30th, 2004)
2. Gedde Watanabe (Tuesday, September 14th, 2004)
3. Joey Pantoliano (Sunday, September 19th, 2004)
4. Patrick Renna (Monday, September 20th, 2004)
5. Randy Jackson (Tuesday, September 21st, 2004)
6. Richard Riehle (Monday, October 4th, 2004)
7. Dwier Brown (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
8. Betsy Randle (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
9. Michael J. Anderson (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
10. Rider Strong (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
11. Heather Graham (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
12. Andy Berman (Friday, October 29th, 2004)
13. David Spade (Tuesday, November 9th, 2004)
14. Henry Winkler (Friday, December 10th, 2004)
15. Joe Elliott (Sunday, January 2nd, 2005)
16. Glenn Danzig (Saturday, January 22nd, 2005)

For those unwise souls who scoff at the ancient philosophy of "yin yang-ology," look no further than The Celebrity Sighted List for indisputable proof.

Case in point: The Heavy Metal Coin.

On one side of the coin, Joe Elliot - lead singer of 1980's metal-goes-pop band Def Leppard - who I spotted at Target on January 2nd.

On the other side of the coin, Glenn Danzig - lead singer of 1980's metal-goes-wolf band Danzig - who I spotted outside his Franklin Ave. mansion on January 22nd.

You take the good, you take the bad. You take the bubblegum, you take the chewed-up steak.

Um, what's that I hear? Oh, it's YOU putting down $17 for a Yin-Yang t-shirt on Ebay. I have made you a true believer!

And yes, girls, Danzig was wearing a black-leather vest.

Friday, January 21, 2005

So when Charles Manson and his followers murdered people, they scrawled "Helter Skelter" on the walls with blood, right?

Now morally, I don't agree with the killing, but musically... I can understand the use of "Helter Skelter." It's loud and it's scary and it's boogeyman-ish.

But if you think about it... that song was only a year old when the murders took place.

I dunno. Seems kind of rushed, y'know? Or too late? Lame, in any case.

It'd be like if I murdered people and wrote "Hey Ya!" on the walls in blood.

And it'd be in January. And I'd be wearing a Santa hat.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

It was 6:30pm in Sherman Oaks and I had a half-hour to kill before worktime.

So I went to the Westfield Mall and browsed around.

Mostly clothing stores. No music shops. And their only book store was the size of an airport's. Bor-ing.

At least it explains why everyone in Sherman Oaks wears big fur coats and doesn't recognize Richard Marx and Norman Mailer when they see 'em on the street.

So I decided to leave Westfield Mall.

On the elevator to the ground floor, I was accompanied by a woman in her early forties. She carried two massive bags and was talking on her cell phone. I had nothing to do, so I eavesdropped on her conversation. Don't judge me!

Based on my brilliant spy-work, I gleaned that... her son was at a friend's, chicken was for dinner, and she...

Was walking down the street.

At least, that's what she said. Although clearly, she was riding an elevator with yours truly at the Westfield Mall. Hm.

Why was she lying? Much more importantly: why was she lying in front of me?

I may not have answers to these questions, but her lying guaranteed one thing...

I bet she was a politician!

Or a lawyer.

Or my teenage daughter.

Take your pick.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005


My guess for M.J.'s Favorite Horror Movie
As what seems to be a new national pastime, my fellow co-workers and I were trying to out-gross one another with lurid Michael Jackson rumors.

After the grossest tidbit was told (involving a nude Michael Jackson and his favorite horror movie), we all resumed our work.

One co-worker, however, wanted the salacious tales to continue.

"I want to talk about Michael more," he said.

To which I replied...

"So what'd you think about Fahrenheit 9/11?"

I am the new genius of modern comedy.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Riding the escalator between the upper and lower levels of Universal Studios, I see a stranger 20 feet behind me. He's wearing one of those vests. Y'know... the padded, puffy kind that were popular in the 1980's?

So I do the only thing I can do...

I turn to my friends and whisper, "Get a load of this guy's life preserver. Dork thinks he's gonna' drown."

My companions laugh, of course, because: A) it's funny and B) they know I'm quoting one of Biff's henchmen in Back to the Future. To boot, I mimic the appropriate accompanying hand gestures (i.e. "smack-fist" and "slow-reveal") as well.

So we all look back and secretly admire/ridicule this guy's padded, puffy 80's vest and are just about to go on with our evening when...

we gradually realize that...


This guy's also wearing a blue jean jacket underneath that puffy, orange vest. Funny. That's the same dress combination that Marty McFly wore in Back to the Future. Hmm.


Jumping gigawatts, no! This guy's also sporting a Back to the Future t-shirt (complete with offical logo and cool DeLorean graphic).

If that wasn't enough, the entire situation crystalizes (and becomes horrifyingly clear) when we see this guy get off the escalator and walk right by the Back to the Future Ride.

That's right. That very morning, this guy dressed up in those threads, came to Universal Studios, and rode the Back to the Future ride - just so he could be like Marty McFly, his favorite movie character/personal hero/sacred idol.

'Cuz, y'know... throughout the entire movie, Marty McFly's wearing a t-shirt that says Back to the Future on it.

(And no, he wasn't an employee of Universal Studios dressed up as a character either. This guy was too tall, too lantern-jawed, and too BLONDE to be a look-alike for Michael J. Fox)

Anyway... this guy was pathetic. I mean, how delusional can you get? What a loser.

... Five seconds later, all of us are talking about what movie character we want to dress up like.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Gawd, Paul. Lately, All Your Blog Entries Are Lists.

So far, I've seen 41 movies that were released in the year 2004. I've ranked them for you (from b-b-b-bad to yay!).

Click the links for more info.

41. Catwoman
40. Twisted
39. Secret Window
38. Club Dread
37. Saw
36. White Chicks
35. Dodgeball
34. Sleepover
33. The Passion of the Christ
32. The Village
31. Garfield: The Movie
30. 50 First Dates
29. Starsky and Hutch
28. Farenheit 9/11
27. Kinsey
26. The Polar Express
25. Meet the Fockers
24. Troy
23. Hero
22. The Ladykillers
21. The Aviator
20. Dawn of the Dead
19. Shrek 2
18. The Brown Bunny
17. The Day After Tomorrow
16. Mean Girls
15. Team America: World Police
14. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
13. The Manchurian Candidate
12. I, Robot
11. Collateral
10. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
9. The Terminal
8. Spiderman 2: Mystery of the White Stallions
7. I Heart Huckabee's
6. Kill Bill, Vol. 2
5. Sideways
4. The Incredibles
3. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
2. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Thursday, January 13, 2005


Keep it up, Phillies! Only one inning left!

81. Ryan
In conversation, we shared our mutual fondness for My Bloody Valentine's "Loveless."

82. Sadie Martha
The color pink.

83. Sara
Has sported a wide array of various haircuts.

84. Sarahdribbin
I was an R.A. from the East-side. She? An R.A. from the West. If there ever was a brawl, I knew Sodapop and Two Cents had my back.

85. Scott S.
Introduced me to the wide world of ready-mades.

86. Scott F.
Treats my sister right.

87. Seth N.
Makes synthesizers for a living.

88. Seth B.
Broke the long-fabled "Dry Ice Barrier" at No Shame Theatre.

89. Shannon
Made a funny observation about how her boyfriend's videotapes are always cued to the scenes with bare boobs.

90. Soheil
Director of City High's cherished "Singer/Songwriter."

91. Spencer

92. Steve
During our sophomore year of college, Steve and I were searching for images of Joe Piscopo on the Internet. On a whim, Steve typed in "" and there, before us, was a huge picture of "The Piscopo." Steve then turned to me, smiled, and uttered those now-famous words: "I love the internet."

93. Stuart
Owns a laserdisc copy of Hardbodies.

94. Susan
An RA from the East-side. Now that's more like it!

95. Tessa
As youngsters, I attempted to convince Tessa that I was a "Teen-Wolf" by applying Scotch tape to my face, which I had colored brown. Key word here being "attempted."

96. The Illuminati
Drove me to the airport last Easter.

97. Timm
Had an Indiana Jones party in his basement. Short-Round never showed up.

98. Toni
The only girl I know with that name. Prove me wrong, America!

99. University of Iowa
B.F.F.! T.I.D. (true if destroyed)

100. Whitney
She asked me to hold an umbrella onstage for her. Did I? I guess we'll find out with... Friendster 200!

That's it! You did it, Astros! I'm taking y'all out to Godfather's! My treat!

Wednesday, January 12, 2005


You can't stop it!

61. Merideth
Before I knew Merideth, I wanted to compliment her Ghostbusters t-shirt. I decided against it.

62. Michael T.
Ladies and gentle-whigs, brace yourselves for Michael's Periodic Table of Puns.

63. Michael C.
Made a joke about Wicket (the ewok) asking R2-D2 if he farts.

64. Michael
I went to buy tickets for Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring. I saw him smoking a cigarette outside the theatre.

65. Michele (with one L)
When she drives, we make car sounds with our mouths.

66. Michelle (with two L's)
Frequented "My Business Failed in Three Weeks" shows.

67. Miguel
One time, I saw him instruct somebody on how to properly smoke a cigarette.

68. Miki Ann
One-half of Los Angeles' premiere performance-art power duo Machu Picchu. She once transcribed the rantings of a fellow employee that we both despised.

69. Mlark
Greeted me one morning by yelling, "Arrrrgh!"

70. Nathan
Collectively, we once spent 20 minutes trying to fit ourselves into a garbage can.

71. Neil
"I'm a businessman!" (trips and falls) "I'm a very clumsy businessman!"

72. Nick
We recorded a song called "Ten Year Plan."

73. Nicole
I saw her eating breakfast with a large family at Village Inn. As for myself, I was with my mom and sister.

74. Pat
Overheard a guy at a buffet once say, "It don't matter. It all comes out a turd."

75. Pete
I envy his Epcot t-shirt.

76. Peter G.
I peeked at his audition notes to see what he thought of me.

77. Peter M.
Watched my movie David Mows Yards on a computer as Michele (#65) and I sat in the same room, eating Burger King.

78. Pooja
Gave out her Prince tickets.

79. Rachel
Was my girlfriend. In a play, folks! Not in real-life!

80. Rick
In first grade, he wore a skeleton costume for pajamas.

Next blog: The Last Friendster 100 Installment!

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


Keep readin', partner...

41. JC
I always have the secret desire to pronounce his last name "Luxton" as "Buxton" (i.e. Francis' last name in Pee Wee's Big Adventure)

42. Jeremy
Lip-synced to Bush's seminal "Glycerine" at a party. Not a dry eye in the house.

43. Jesse
Videotaped my play The Garveys with his fancy camera.

44. Jokey McHilarious
Sent Bob Hope and Milton Berle to their graves.

45. KKB
Has long hair. Eat your heart out, Crystal Gale!

46. Kat
We watched Storytelling in her living room.

47. Kate
Reminded me - years later - that I once sang "Satisfaction" on her answering machine.

48. Kathryn
First real-life lady bassist in person!

49. Katie
Appeared on an episode of "Judge Joe Brown."

50. Kelli
Rocks the bassoon.

51. Kevin
Has fuzzy hair. Eat your heart out, Crystal Gale!

52. Kristine
Quiz! In student videos, have I seen her...
A) smoke a cigarette?
B) play an Atari?
C) kick a turtle?
D) all of the above (excpet C)
Flip monitor upside down to see answer.

53. Kristy
Disc 3 of Pee Wee's Playhouse DVD box-set

54. Lily
I always wanted her last name to be Langtree.

55. Louie
Came up with the idea to snap his snare-drum when I sang, "blood-SHOT!"

56. Louis
I heard about "9/11" on my way to his class.

57. Margo
Her mother transcribes phone conversations.

58. Mark
Wanted to make a movie called Hell-evator with the tagline: "Going Down?"

59. Matt
Wiggled his fingers in praise during DJ Ruden's guitar solos

60. Megan
Knows a thing or two about Walt Whitman

And we ain't stopping 'til we reach 100!

Monday, January 10, 2005


And the beat goes on...

21. Bradley H.
Made me pancakes in his kitchen. And no, mom and dad, it wasn't post-coital!

22. Candida
Her portrait hung on the wall of Public Space One.

23. Cheri
Defied LeMars, Iowa's conventional wisdom and went to school in Boston - whether she joined the Symbionese Liberation Army or not, I can't say.

24. Chris
While watching Blood Feast, I asked him (in all earnestness) if he believed in God.

25. Christopher
Acted in a video project where he wore a "FBI" (FEMALE BODY INSPECTOR) ball-cap.

26. Dan
Eased my worries about the high admission price of Universal Studios.

27. Denise
Genuinely liked her younger siblings.

28. Diana
I saw her outside Hills Bank once.

29. Elise
Collaborated on a group Intermedia project with me. It was about Munchie.

30. Emily Y.
Possesses infinite patience when asked to repeatedly re-shoot a scene in a hot-as-the-blazes/cold-as-the-dickens attic.

31. Emily L.
We split a blueberry bagel at Donutland.

32. Erin
Fellow cohort in "Mission to Wal-Mart for midnight release of Freddy Vs. Jason DVD."

33. Favid
Taught me how to efficiently push a camera dolly.

34. Forrest
Made an egg-parachute at camp.

35. Iowa City

36. Jamal
Jamal took the stage to play a song. An audience member yelled out, "Freebird!" - to which Jamal replied, "You don't really want me to play that song. You're just trying to make a joke" and then sat back down.

37. James E.
Claimed you could smell ozone after you hit your head.

38. James H.
Has lots of nicknames (my favorite is Rocky).

39. Jason
Developed new language in video-editing.

40. Jayne
I once asked her if she read the magazine "Jane" because her name was Jayne. What a stupid question.

Stayed tuned for #41-60.

Friday, January 07, 2005


Recently, I added the 100th friend to my Friendster list. Friendster, for those of you not in the know, is a free Internet service that connects you with friends and their friends' friends and their friends' friends' friends. As such, you gradually amass your own personal list of Friendster friends. Some folks you may have known for your whole life or maybe just for a brief period. Whatever the case, they're all Friendsters!

I've decided to list all my Friendster friends in alphabetical order (over 5 blog installments). With each name, I'll provide a brief caption. Don't analyze too much into it. The caption will basically consist of whatever first pops into my head when I think of the person.

One thing I can promise though: This will be very fun for you to read.

Or very dull.

I haven't decided yet.

1. Aaron
I have a photograph of Aaron at Universal Studios, in which he's standing next to a Back to the Future-inspired concession stand entitled... you guessed it: SNACK to the Future.

2. Adam B.
Resembles me. I think. Is it self-involved to think you look like other people?

3. Adam Y.
As a drummer in The Rockadiles, he'd yelp out some word before the chorus of "Breakfast." I don't know what that word was. Someone tell me.

4. Adam P.
Current roommate. Eternal bird-dogger.

5. Alex
Wore a Mel C. (of Spice Girls fame) t-shirt on the first day of Fiction Video class.

6. Alison
Always had an impressive array of DVD's, videos, and art books (consistently checked out from the Iowa City Public Library) at her place.

7. Allison
Took me to the Full House home in San Francisco.

8. Alyssa
Calls me "Pippy."

9. Amanda Bu.
Made improv funny at No Shame Theatre.

10. Amanda Br.
Killed in a school shooting. For a movie, folks! Not for real-life!

11. Amir
Former colleague in the W.R.A. ("World of Resident Assistants"). Fear us!

12. Amy S.
One-half of Los Angeles' premiere performance-art power duo Machu Picchu. Also makes me vitamin shakes when others drink booze.

13. Amy R.
Oldest sister. Youngest sparrow.

14. Andy
We met at a camp in 1995. We met again at college in 2000. What will 2005 bring? I hear wedding bells!

15. Aprille
Stuck up for me when a mean guy made fun of my nose.

16. B-rad
Appeared to have lost weight between freshman and sophomore years of college. Diet hounds from around the globe ask: "What's his secret?!"

17. Ben
Tuba-deep vox.

18. Bill
Did a power-point presentation comparing Mrs. Doubtfire to its original source material, Alias Madame Doubtfire.

19. Bobby
Owns a scrapbook, which archives rock-n-roll shows he's seen.

20. Bradley
Once met Jonathan Pryce.

Tomorrow? #21-40!

Thursday, January 06, 2005



E.T. teaser poster
Best use of purple since Grimace.


A fox!
Nature's favorite stepchild.


Amy Irving
Hot tamale!


Corduroy book cover
He wants a button!


A beagle!
He wants a Milkbone (TM)!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

1. Dave "Gruber" Allen (Monday, August 30th, 2004)
2. Gedde Watanabe (Tuesday, September 14th, 2004)
3. Joey Pantoliano (Sunday, September 19th, 2004)
4. Patrick Renna (Monday, September 20th, 2004)
5. Randy Jackson (Tuesday, September 21st, 2004)
6. Richard Riehle (Monday, October 4th, 2004)
7. Dwier Brown (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
8. Betsy Randle (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
9. Michael J. Anderson (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
10. Rider Strong (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
11. Heather Graham (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
12. Andy Berman (Friday, October 29th, 2004)
13. David Spade (Tuesday, November 9th, 2004)
14. Henry Winkler (Friday, December 10th, 2004)
15. Joe Elliott (Sunday, January 2nd, 2005)

I had only been back in Los Angeles for four hours and already, I spotted a celebrity. Joe Elliott, lead singer of Def Leppard, was seen shopping at TARGET on LaBrea. He wore jogging pants and a sweatshirt (i.e. what you wear when you go shopping at TARGET on a Sunday afternoon).

Pour some Snowden on me!


Sunday, January 02, 2005

Back in Los Angeles. Was in Iowa. Visited all the hot spots: Le Mars, Altoona, Iowa City, Harlan. Hung out with some cool folks and had even cooler times. Iowa, you're still #1 in my book, baby. Here's to 50 more years.

On a sidenote...

Why do we go to PIZZA HUT? Yes, we come for their dee-lish-ous pepperoni 'za and the centerpiece fireplace, but we stay for those refreshing TARGET-colored mints you get before you re-enter the cold, cruel world. So imagine my ABSOLUTE REMORSE when the Omaha Pizza Hut had none to speak of.


Imagine it. Now. You feel it? That's my ABSOLUTE REMORSE!

Sure, I acted like I didn't mind in front of that teenage girl behind the counter, but deep down, I was falling apart. My heart was cracking. The center of my chest was heavy with melan-cholera. It was New Year's Eve and 2005 was looking bleak.

Right then, I began drafting a suicide letter in my head.

Two hours later, as I stepped out of Theatre 3 at the Star Cinema... wouldn't-ya-know? A teenage usher was inexpicably handing out TARGET-colored mints to audience members by the exit door. I, of course, snagged one.


Indeed, Pizza Hut's door of opportunity slammed in my face, but Star Cinema let me slide down its chimney of good fortune.

2005? You're looking foxy.