Back in Los Angeles. Was in Iowa. Visited all the hot spots: Le Mars, Altoona, Iowa City, Harlan. Hung out with some cool folks and had even cooler times. Iowa, you're still #1 in my book, baby. Here's to 50 more years.

On a sidenote...

Why do we go to PIZZA HUT? Yes, we come for their dee-lish-ous pepperoni 'za and the centerpiece fireplace, but we stay for those refreshing TARGET-colored mints you get before you re-enter the cold, cruel world. So imagine my ABSOLUTE REMORSE when the Omaha Pizza Hut had none to speak of.

None!

Imagine it. Now. You feel it? That's my ABSOLUTE REMORSE!

Sure, I acted like I didn't mind in front of that teenage girl behind the counter, but deep down, I was falling apart. My heart was cracking. The center of my chest was heavy with melan-cholera. It was New Year's Eve and 2005 was looking bleak.

Right then, I began drafting a suicide letter in my head.

Two hours later, as I stepped out of Theatre 3 at the Star Cinema... wouldn't-ya-know? A teenage usher was inexpicably handing out TARGET-colored mints to audience members by the exit door. I, of course, snagged one.

Huh.

Indeed, Pizza Hut's door of opportunity slammed in my face, but Star Cinema let me slide down its chimney of good fortune.

2005? You're looking foxy.