We all know that "April showers bring May flowers." But why is it that only these two successive months have a time-worned phrase attached to them? Well, as the silver screen's Chain Capane once said, "Not for long, man!"

In other words, I've made up my own.

1. May day baskets... bring June caskets.
2. June vacations... bring July menstruations.
3. July independence... brings August KTIV anchorman Larry Wentz.
4. August heat... brings September wheat (source: "Farmers' Almanac 1998").
5. September girls... do so much!
6. October ghouls... bring November elegant jewels!
7. November feasts... bring October beasts!
8. December boys... got it bad!
9. January showers... bring February flowers.
10. February hearts... bring in da' noize, bring in da' funk!

And yes, this will be my official submission for "Joke-Writers' Contest 2005."

Look at this, too:

THE CELEBRITY CITED LIST:
1. Dave "Gruber" Allen (Monday, August 30th, 2004)
2. Gedde Watanabe (Tuesday, September 14th, 2004)
3. Joey Pantoliano (Sunday, September 19th, 2004)
4. Patrick Renna (Monday, September 20th, 2004)
5. Randy Jackson (Tuesday, September 21st, 2004)
6. Richard Riehle (Monday, October 4th, 2004)
7. Dwier Brown (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
8. Betsy Randle (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
9. Michael J. Anderson (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
10. Rider Strong (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
11. Heather Graham (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
12. Andy Berman (Friday, October 29th, 2004)
13. David Spade (Tuesday, November 9th, 2004)
14. Henry Winkler (Friday, December 10th, 2004)
15. Joe Elliott (Sunday, January 2nd, 2005)
16. Glenn Danzig (Saturday, January 22nd, 2005)
17. Jay Leno (Thursday, January 27th, 2005)
18. David Cross (Wednesday, February 16th, 2005)
19. Steve Guttenberg (Thursday, February 17th, 2005)
20. Bob Saget (Thursday, February 17th, 2005)
21. Bob Odenkirk (Thursday, February 24th, 2005)
22. Mike White (Friday, February 25th, 2005)

One week after seeing his "Mr. Show" laff-partner David Cross in Los Feliz, I spy Bob Odenkirk in Hollywood. Who's next? John Madden?!

On Friday, I saw Mike White walking down Melrose with two friends. Myself? I was accompanied by only one friend. You've beat me again, White!