This world is a gigantic world... filled with many people and many, many animals (i.e. giraffes, pigeons, cougars). Scientists have estimated that there are over 600 billion people on planet Earth alone. And that's not even taking in account our friends who live on the moon and underwater ("mooners" and "underwaters" as they're typically called).

And yet, despite the many people who surround us, loneleiness still persists in this world. "Ah, look at all the lonely people," George Strait so famously sang in "Eleanor Rigby." Indeed, this is a sentiment which millions agree with to this day (as evidenced by "Eleanor Rigby" remaining at #1 on the Billboard charts for the past 39 years).

Yes, Mr. Strait, humans get lonely on planet earth. Mothers sit at home, gazing at framed photos of their sons in track-and-field uniforms. Children invent imaginary friends with names like "Gooby," "Rainbow," and "Keith." Korean businessmen sit in empty movie theatres, watching "Hitch" on Valentine's Day.

Folks move through this heavy world - glass-eyed and pale - wondering: When - oh, when - will I find a friend?

Well, lonely-hearts, I'll tell you! Cuz I got friends. Loads of 'em. Boat-loads. And although I can't tell you WHEN or HOW you'll MAKE a friend, I can give you the tell-tale signs that you've MADE a friend.

1. THE DUBIOUS GAZE
Let's say somebody's acting dumb. Real stupid. I'm talkin' about a #1, Grade-A Jackass! You're thinking to yourself, "Goddamn! I hate this person! Kill me already!" So you roll your eyes and right then, you catch another person in your sight. They are staring at you and giving you THE DUBIOUS GAZE (as in "Hey, get a load of this #1, Grade-A Jackass who's talking to us!") That's right! They hate this asshole just as much as you! And they're showing it with THE DUBIOUS GAZE! You've connected over your mutual dislike for something. Say, mister, I think you've just made a friend!

2. "YOU'LL LIKE THIS!"
This is another sure-fire sign that you've made a buddy. You come across some item (perhaps a TV show, a movie, a painting) and you think to yourself, "Boy, oh, boy! I bet _______ would love this!" As in: "Michele would love this article about Charlie Brown in The New Yorker" or "Rick would love this 'Hello Larry' theme song!" And then you share it with them. It's common interests and sharing put together in one package! And that's a very beautiful thing, my bloggies.

Um, that's it. Call a buddy today and tell them how happy they make you.