Today, at work, I read about how in the last ten years of his life, Thomas Edison devoted all his time and energy to the invention of "The Electrical Wizard," which would be "a mechanical medium" allowing the living to communicate with the dead.

What a loony tune.

I love it when you hear about famed inventor's "failed inventions." Of course, inventors should be remembered for their great works (i.e. the telephone, the airplane, the Spin-Art), but there's just something so earnest and sad about their inventions that never worked out or caught on. I mean, who can't love an inventor who tries to benefit the human race, but fails on every level possible?

But, really... an invention to communicate with the dead? What the hell is wrong with you, Edison?

Of course, that hasn't stopped me from trying to come up with the same invention. I already have a prototype. It's a can of bug spray tied to a cowboy hat. I call it "The Skull Talker." Its ad slogan is: "The Skull Talker: Now you can talk to skulls."

In fact, last night, I tested it. And I totally talked to Jodie Sweetin from "Full House." I asked her if it hurt when she fell out of that rollercoaster as it did the loop-de-loop. She said no. Apparently, Mark Paul-Gosselar was there to break her fall.

So yeah, I can communicate with dead people.

Now, if only I could get through to The City and have them fix my potholes! Am I right? Am I right?