Shooting continued today. There were a string of obstacles:
OBSTACLE #1: SHOOTING OUTSIDE
Everyone bitches about the control Hollywood has. Its control over American cinema. Its control over national taste-making. But you know what they control the most? God's elements. Every Hollywood film was shot in a soundstage. EVERY ONE. This allows them to avoid blustery winds and changing shadows and that goddamn train that toots its horn every five minutes during pivotal dialogue. Yeah. I'm talking to you, tooty train. Next time I see you, I'm putting a spike on your railroad.
OBSTACLE #2: SHOOTING A SCENE WITH A KID
W.C. Fields gave us so much sound advice: A) Drink alcohol until your face burns and blisters B) Killy whitey and C) Never shoot a scene with a kid. Kids act up, right? Kids don't remember their lines, yes?
But my 7 year-old niece Alexis? She does not act up! She remembers all her lines! She whispers your lines to you when you forget your own! This kid is a professional. Watch your back, Macaulay Temple.
OBSTACLE #3: SHOOTING A SCENE THAT INVOLVES EATING FOOD
Food is continuity hell. Don't believe me? Watch every croissant in "Pretty Woman." In one shot, there's a bite. In the next, there's not. In the one after that, it's covered in AIDS.
OBSTACLE #4: THAT AFOREMENTIONED FOOD? IT MELTS, SISTER!
In this scene, Alexis and I were eating ice cream. Ice cream! In 80 degree heat! It melts faster than you can deliver your lines. It melts faster than you can deliver your child. How do you fix this? Easy. You buy five Dairy Queen Dilly Bars and continually eat them in one single hour. By the end of the day, Alexis and I were sick on cool treats. Who would have thought that ice cream could cause such pain? Such >major pain?