Tuesday, May 25, 2004

PAUL: Hey, Well's Blue Bunny.

WELL'S: ... Hi, Paul.

PAUL: How's it going?

WELL'S: What do you care?

PAUL: Aw, c'mon, Well's Blue Bunny, don't be that way.

WELL'S: Like you've treated me any better.

PAUL: What - what are you talking about? I just took you to "Man on Fire." My treat. Didn't we have a great time? Or was I just imagining you smiling when Denzel Washington held up his gun, looked into the camera, and quipped, "Sure beats another Training Day!"

WELL'S: The only reason you took me to the movies was to butter me up. You just want a summer job from me.

PAUL: What?! I can't - I can't believe you would say that! How can you say that? I can't -- why would you say that?

WELL'S: I'm not stupid, Paul.

PAUL: This is so insulting! How can you - I took you to "Man on Fire!" You know, you can be - you can be a real dick, Well's Blue Bunny.

WELL'S: I'm not a dick.

PAUL: Yes, you are. A dick. Dick-o supreme-o. You just presume that I want a job from you? Huh. That's a funny way of repaying a friend for one "Man on Fire."

WELL'S: Fine. I'm sorry.

PAUL: You should be.

(LONG PAUSE)

PAUL: But, um... speaking of the... the summer job... did ---

WELL'S: I can't believe you!

PAUL: What?!

WELL'S: You're pathetic!

PAUL: I - I didn't say - you brought it up.

WELL'S: Do you want a summer job or not?

PAUL: I, uh - um ---

WELL'S: Answer the question, Paul: do you want a summer job or not?

PAUL: I - let's just say... if you had a summer job for me, I wouldn't turn it down, okay?

WELL'S: Do you want a summer job or not?

PAUL: Yes. Okay? Yes, I want a summer job. So... do you think I could maybe... have one?

WELL'S: ... No.

PAUL: What? Why not? I just ---

WELL'S: I guess I didn't give you one of my jobs before, huh? I guess you didn't quit it without notice? I guess that never happened, right?

PAUL: That was four years ago ---

WELL'S: You just expect me to forget?! I gave you one of my best summer jobs ever! All you had to do was walk around, wash shit off machines, and that's it! And you threw it all away!

PAUL: I was a different person back then ---

WELL'S: You threw it all away in two days!

PAUL: Two-and-a-half days.

WELL'S: Paul. You can't walk all over your friends and expect it to happen twice.

PAUL: But... but... I need money, Well's Blue Bunny. California's a rough place for vagrants. Help me out? Will ya? Help me out?

WELL'S: Not. My. Problem.

(WELL'S BLUE BUNNY DRIVES AWAY IN A BIG BLUE CAR THAT'S SHAPED LIKE A BUNNY)

(PAUL CALLS UP HIS FRIEND "SUPER WAL-MART" TO GO TO "13 GOING ON 30.")

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