Friday, July 11, 2003

This, my friends, is the major tenet running through my life:

Restraint v. Passion.

Yes. It's true.

It's in everything. My relationships. My "work." My... everything else.

I continually have to choose between the two: Do I... a) Share every one of my damp secrets and insecurities with people? or b) Avoid all that and live comfortably?

Because there's lovelies and pitfalls to either choice. If you open yourself up to folks, you're "being real and upfront" and taking risks and that's exciting and "how life is meant to be lived." But then... there's the chance of looking too earnest or self-obsessed or overly confessional, which leads to a lack of mystery (which is heresy in my surrounding youth-and-university culture that's obsessed with broody broodsters)

But then... with the second choice, I can... yes, live comfortably. But pretty unsatisfied.

It's like this. I can either:

A) Make a movie/Write a play/Sing a song that's earnest and somewhat-serious and although it may personally satisfy me, I'll be completely embarrassed by its honesty in five years


B) Make a movie/Write a play/Sing a song that's fun and somewhat-silly and... although I won't fall flat on my face, I'll feel unfulfilled by the entire experiene.

I know there's a happy middle-ground. I just can't seem to find it.

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