Monday, September 06, 2004


This past summer, I saw 19 motion pictures in the theatre. I had been waiting to introduce this ranking until I saw Alien Vs. Predator or The Exorcist: The Beginning or some other late-August franchise release, but instead, I went to The Brown Bunny Vs. Predator. Guess what? Predator won!

JUST SO YOU KNOW: Titles most notably missing from this list are: Van Helsing, The Chronicles of Riddick, and The Bourne Supremacy. Apparently, I have no interest in seeing films about lone men taking on large, villianous syndicates. Then again, I did see Sleepover.

So, without further a-glue...

1. Anchorman
Tonight's Story: This newsman delivers!

2. Spiderman 2: Mystery of The White Stallions
Spiderman 2 swings with action and humor - and really soars!

3. The Terminal
This movie gave me Terminal bliss!

4. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Harry Potter
casts a magical spell of wonder and awe!

5. Collateral
I liked collater-all of it.

6. I, Robot
I, Robot
? I, Entertained!

7. The Manchurian Candidate
Sorry, George W. Bush and John Leroy Kerry. I'm casting my vote for The Manchurain Candidate.

8. The Day After Tomorrow
I'd see this movie today, tomorrow, and... a couple days after that!

9. Shrek 2
Eddie Murphy made me laugh ogre... and ogre... and ogre!

10. The Brown Bunny
I heard The Brown Bunny is going to have a sequel. 36 of them in one day!

11. Hero
If this Hero was a hero-sandwich, it'd be six inches long, smothered in meatballs, and taste, y'know, pretty good. Not great or anything, but alright.

12. Troy
I've never been inside a fake, wooden horse.

13. Farenheit 9/11
Michael Moore: Conflicting Those With Progressive Ideals, But Who Still Have Good Taste Since 1989.

14. Garfield: The Movie
I realized how this movie didn't reach its full potential when my friend Rick said he wanted a scene where Garfield wore a tuxedo and posed as a human waiter. I have my fingers crossed for a deleted scene on the DVD.

15. The Village
One village. 300 idiots.

16. Sleepover
During the movie, I sat between two people. In case a killer came in, he'd kill the two people around me first.

17. Dodgeball
I pick you last for my team! And third-to-last on my summer movie ranking.

18. White Chicks
Get out of my way-ans!

19. Catwoman
Me-ouch! Catwoman dumped her litterbox into my bag of popcorn! Now I'm eating cat turds instead of popcorn!

Bye, friends! Take me out to the ballgame indeed!

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