Thursday, April 21, 2005

Rid yourselves of basic cable, dudez. And treat yourself to digital cable.

With digital cable, you're blessed with a plethora of superior networks. "Game Show Network?" Yes. "VH1-Classics?" That, too. "Nickoledeon Games and Sports?" YAAAAY!

I've taken to watching "Nickelodeon Games and Sports." A lot. Pretty much the only thing I watch on TV anymore. 'Round the clock, I can enjoy all the old Nickelodeon game shows that I loved as a kid. Nick Arcade. Get the Picture. And, of course...

Finders Keepers.

Hot shit. I love me some Finders Keepers. For two glorious years ('87-'89), this show graced our airwaves. If you haven't experienced "The Finders," all you need to know is that it's kids tearing up a house. That's it. Sure, it's obstenisbly to find some hidden item, but all that matters is... IT'S KIDS TEARING UP A HOUSE!

That's the initial appeal. But lately I've grown to appreciate other (albeit subtle) details about the show. They are:

Finders Keepers' 1st-season host, Wesley Eure, should have never hosted this show. Or any show for that matter. Or even been on television. Never, ever, ever. This man fails at every possible task expected of him. He routinely stumbles over words, creates long gaps of silence, and makes inappropriate comments. Many of them vaguely racist. That said, if a Finders Keepers with the 2nd-season host Larry Toffler comes on, I TURN THAT SHIT OFF!!!

The contestants' interview portion is incredible. Have you ever wanted to see a kid do his "impression" of "The Big Bopper?" Or how about a girl who says she looks like "Carol Seaver?" You have? Then boy, do I got a show for you. It's called Finders Keepers and it's on "Nickelodeon Games and Sports" at 2am.

In what continues to be the worst/best/worst/best/best/worst/best aspect of this program, you get to see kids experience loss. Grand, soul-crushing loss. Unlike the majority of we grown-ups, these children have not yet adopted that magnificent quality known as "REPRESSING YOUR GENUINE EMOTIONS." If a contestant loses in the final round, they have no problems showing their anger, sadness, etc. Watching tantrums ain't just for the toy department in Sears, y'all! Mind you... this is also VERY, VERY DIFFICULT to view. I do not like watching kids face disappointment. Which is funny - because I thought most folks preferred to dredge up those moments from childhood where they had to cope with cruel realities.

Like... Slap Bracelets! Am I right?! Remember "Slap Bracelets?" I love the 80's!

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