Mom and pop are outta' town! For the entire weeeeek! I's got the whole house to myself!

What am I gonna' do?! List-time, suckaz!

1. RAID THE FRIDGE!
(I'm gonna' eat a double-decker bologna-and-ham-and-cheese Dagwood sandwich... for a snack!)

2. MAKE PRACTICAL-JOKE PHONE-CALLS!
(MAYOR OF LEMARS: Hello?
ME: Hi, this is Paul Rust.
MAYOR OF LEMARS: Excuse me?
ME: Shut up, four-eyes!)

3. DRIVE DAD'S HOTTT NEW PORSCHE!
(I'll just use it to pick up groceries... BABE GROCERIES, THAT IS!)

4. THROW A BITCHIN' PARTY!
(I already sent out the invitations. Make sure to R.S.V.P. - Respect the Seasoned Veteran of Partying - i.e. ME!)

5. WAKE UP THE NEIGHBORS!
(If #4 goes right, #5 is in the bag!)


With luck, in four days, when mommy and pop-pop come rollin' into the driveway, they'll see the house is nothing but smoldering rumble... and I'm playin' air guitar on top of it! Jose Can-Strike-Out!

And if you don't believe me, check out what I did last night!

Me and three friends sat peacefully on my living room floor and perused a book of Norman Rockwell paintings.

This is true. So, so true.