Tuesday, March 22, 2005

So, yeah... a long break between blogs. My apologies. I've been bizz-y as a bee. Performance events kept my hands full. Plus, friends visited from outta' town.

Last Friday, the aforementioned friends and I (8 of us!) experienced Universal Studios. It was, of course, awesome. It was the 5th time I've gone since October and it still remains a fun time. Next time you're in Los Angeles, do yourself a favor and let this bastard (me) take you.

And what can you find at Universal Studios? Well...

1. Back to the Future: The Ride
Dinosaurs. We all want to be eaten by one. Well, this classic motion-ride from the early 1990's lets you do just that. Plus, you get to see actor Thomas F. Wilson ("Biff") wear an obscene amount of eye make-up. Not just in the video introduction. He personally greets you at the theme park.

2. The Universal Studios Tour

Sure, Jaws jumping out of the water is cool. And yeah, King Kong shaking a bridge is neat, too. But you'll be crapping your pants and throwing up food when you see Jessica Fletcher's Murder, She Wrote house. A real treat.

3. Revenge of the Mummy

Eternal death was never so much fun. (dear, loved ones: make sure the preceeding statement is my epitaph)

4. Jurassic Park Riverboat Round-up

Contrary to popular belief, two li'l dinosaurs fighting over a box of popcorn is not cute. It's terrifying. Okay, maybe it's a little cute. Alright. Very cute. Call me!

5. Special Effects Show

Jake and B-max received the special honor of appearing in this behind-the-scenes (or behind-the-screams in some cases) demonstration. B-max was chained to a wall. Jake told Seabisquit to run faster. If only they had done this during the show instead of beforehand in the parking lot. (And yes, I realize this is the same joke as my earlier one about Thomas F. Wilson greeting you at Universal Studios. Find it in your heart to forgive me)

6. Terminator 2: 3-D

Mathematical fact: "Terminator 2" + "3-D" = High 5's for everyone! (in a spirtual sense)

7. Animal Planet Show

Normally, this spectacular 15-minute show is held outdoors, but inclimate weather forced it inside and shortened it to 8 minutes. Fortunately, the best sight-gag was left intact. I will not, however, tell you what it is. Fly out to Los Angeles and see it for yourself. Because you haven't lived until you've seen an orangantan demand her bra back. Um. I mean, you haven't lived until you've seen a not-orangantan not-demand her not-bra. Whew. Close one.

8. Van Helsing Haunted Castle

Seriously, people. It's not that scary. I literally had to drag all my scaredy-cat friends through the entire castle. Thank god, I'm the brave one around here. (NOTE: The author reserves the right to lie, not admit his own cowardice, and/or deny the fact that he was hiding behind his friends the entire time - clutching their bodies and repeating over and over, "Why do I keep doing this? I hate this, I hate this.")

All in all, a wonderful day. Plus, Ellen got hit on by Beetlejuice. Which was funny. And weird. More weird than funny. Actually, just weird.

Whatever the case, it was great seeing old friends again. If only for a week.

Speaking of seeing old friends, I spotted FOUR CELEBRITIES over the last few days. They will be the subjects of my next post. You are dying to know! (literally, not figuratively)

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