Tuesday, December 07, 2004


Dee Wallace Found Her Keys
Ladies and gentlemen... I had lost my keys.

Naturally, I was worried. How would I drive my car? How would I enter my front door? How would I open my mailbox?

I searched my entire apartment for half-an-hour.

Finally, out of exasperation, I made a silly plea and wished that I could page my keys. Whenever I misplace my cellular phone, for instance, I call it. I simply follow the rings to their source and - presto - I have my phone back.

So, dear god...

"Why can't I call my keys?" I asked myself. "Dammit. Why can't I call my keys?"

At that moment, my cellular phone rang in the other room. And for a brief second... I thought my keys were ringing.

What a shit-head!

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