2004: The Survey!!!
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
a) Went on vacation for Spring Break. Panama City Beach will never be the same!
b) Moved into an apartment. Panama City Beach is indifferent to the issue!
c) Worked a full-time job. Panama City Beach wonders how much I get paid!
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't dig New Year's Resolutions. Why can't people be cool all year 'round? Quit beating your wife in August, asshole!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My friends, Mr. and Mrs. John and Denise Muller, had a daugher Annora Muller in May. And if you got the time, visit John's other aesthetically-pleasing creations: JohnHenryMuller.com and PatheticBird.com
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. Suck it, Grim Reaper!
5. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
A job that pays me to be creative - like the guy who designs this t-shirt:
6. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
a) January 30th (opening night of Bubblegum Brigade)
b) April 30th (last No Shame performance)
c) August 7th (LeMars premiere of David Mows Yards)
d) August 20th (first day of my voyage to Los Angeles)
e) December 14th (the fabled night I filled out this survey).
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating with High Distinction. Did you hear about the skunk who sat beside me at the ceremony? He graduated... with High Di-STINK-tion!
8. What was your biggest failure?
Keeping people at arm's length. That or Ishtar.
9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing too damaging, but if somebody were to ask me if I wanted canker sores on my uvula for a second time, I would have to respectfully decline, thank you.
10. Whose behavior merited celebration?
People who voted.
11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
50.2% of those people.
12. Where did most of your money go?
To Keith, my landlord. Mind you, I'm not paying him rent. Keith's my smack dealer. But don't worry, readers. "Smack" no longer refers to heroin. It means "unprotected sex."
13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
14. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Float On by The Modest Mice
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
This survey's got a lot to learn about the delicate ebb-and-flow of life's joys and sorrows. I, apparently, also have to learn how not to dodge questions.
b) thinner or fatter?
The same. Everything else is in my head. You hear me, Cosmopolitan?!
c) richer or poorer?
In the checkbook, I am richer. In spirit, I'm a goddamn billionaire!
16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writin' ditties and lullabies.
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Not writin' whistlin' ditties and lullabies.
18. How will you be spending Christmas?
Awww, yeah! Hangin' with the Rust fam, of course! You know what I'm talkin' 'bout! And don't forget about li'l niece Lexie and Amy's beau-friend Scottles P. McPherson! We's all gonna' watch da' shit out of Meet the Fockers! Truth!
The survey's not done yet!
Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion. Same Meow-time. Same Meow-channel.