Friday, February 01, 2008

When I was 9 years old, a friend of mine and I were watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade at his house. Halfway into the movie, my friend's mom came into the living room and started watching it with us.

She had never seen it before, so without describing the end of the film, we warned her that it contained a scene she might not want to stick around and watch (referring to the scary climax when the villain drinks from the wrong cup and rapidly turns into a corpse).

And she goes, "Why? Is there nudity?"


I ask you: What grown woman thinks an Indiana Jones movie would end with nudity?

I am VERY curious what sort of scenario she cooked up that could justify nudity in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Maybe she thought after finding the Holy Grail, Indiana Jones travels to a nearby high school, disguises himself as a female gym teacher and watches some girls shower? Or maybe before getting on his horse to ride of onto the sunset in the final shot, Indiana Jones turns to the camera and moons the audience?

Or shows his penis to the audience?

"One last peek before I go," Indiana Jones would say to camera, winking and smiling.

Needless to say, my fingers are crossed that my friend's mom did some uncredited script-doctoring on the forthcoming Indiana Jones 4 and that it will indeed end with an extreme close-up of Indiana Jones' genitals.


rick herbst said...

hey, dishy. hows abouts you reveal the mystery mom. i'm guessing it is mitchell webb's mom, but mitch thiel is betting me that it is chris mitchell's mom.

honestly, i bet him 800 bucks (that's like 350 british pounds). we need to know when you have a chance so i can gets paid. (and laid!) (and raid (the fridge)!)

Lindsay Evelyn said...

When I was 18, my then-stepmother Rose asked if there was any premarital sex in Dogma, as a means of judging whether she deemed it morally upright enough to watch. To which I replied, "You married my dad when you were 34. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you weren't a virgin at the time." And then she exclaimed something about "when a boy is taking off your clothes and you don't know it's okay to say 'No'..." and ran out of the house crying, not to return until the following day.

So I guess the lesson is: always assume the mother figure you're talking to might have been sort of (not really) raped as a teenager and is now trying to force a moral lesson on you.

Anonymous said...

at the end of teen wolf, some guy in the background unzips his fly, whips it out, then puts it back in, then rezips said fly...all while the big game winning, overcoming wolf crutch climax is happening in the foreground. What a genius. He and your friend's mom are made for each other.