Uh-oh! Friday the 13th is HERE! But don't worry, my creepies. Here's some ways to keep yourself "lucky" on this most "unluckiest" of days!
1. STAY AWAY FROM BLACK CATS
If you see a black cat... RUN!!! Seriously. RUN!!! To be safe, don't even go near skunks (AKA "Black Cats' Second Cousins"). And to be doubly safe, don't even listen to Janet Jackson's Top-40 hit "Black Cat." Or anything on "Rhythm Nation 1814," for that matter. I don't care if you ARE throwing an "Escapade" party tonight.
2. THROW SALT OVER YE SHOULDER
Good news: Throwing salt gives you good luck. Bad news: Explaining the mess to Mother!
3. LADDERS? DON'T GO UNDER 'EM!
I know, I know. We all want to walk under ladders. It's one of the great American traditions (akin to baseball, apple pie, and our obsesson with not letting cats cross our paths or salt not go over our shoulders). But if you want Old Man Lucky (TM) to be kind to you on Friday the 13th, you'll steer clear of dem ladders. So look, you can either walk under a ladder or not... but I advise you to do... the latter? YAY!
4. KISS A FROG, ROMEO!
Although the method of kissing a frog isn't as popular as the previous 3, doctors have proven it actually works the best. Remember, ladies: you gotta' kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince! (writer's note: kissing frogs will get you pregnant. very pregnant.)
5. DAAAAMN! DON"T BREAK NO MIRRORS!
Whatever you do - WHATEVER YOU DO - do NOT break a mirror! It causes 7 years bad luck! Take it from me (Paul Rust of "Watch Paul Rust Age Behind Glass" fame). Immediately after I was born, I broke 4 mirrors in the maternity room (it was a complicated pregnancy).
Do the math: 4 mirrors x 7 years = ay yi yi yi! Ever since, my life has been a series of unfortunate Limony Snickets. And at 24 years old, I still got 4 years to go! In truth, however, perhaps I've used this supposed "curse" as an excuse to NOT do better. Or try harder. Or make a difference.
Huh. Maybe instead of breaking mirrors, Paul Rust should look into one... and discover Paul Rust.