Monday, October 13, 2008
Well, it's time for my weekly segment "GIVE ME A BREAK" where I take a look at all that's going on in our world and say: "Give me a break!!"
1. THIS PRESIDENTIAL RACE THING
Y'know, sometimes, I just wish it was November 5 already. I really mean that. That way, we wouldn't have to hear all this garbage about who's going to be our next President. Barack Obama? John McCain? Let's just declare "Tony the Tiger" president and get it over with! GIVE ME A BREAK!!
2. ALL THIS MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL NONSENSE
I once read a refrigerator magnet that said: "We now interrupt this marriage to bring you the football season." Haha! HOW TRUE! Granted, I'm not married and the subject here is baseball, but I think the basic idea still applies: We need to rid the world of all pro baseball teams or we risk the legal outlawing of marriage. Stop baseball from happening, President-to-Be Tony the Tiger! GIVE ME A BREAK!!
3. THIS "TOY STORY 2" BULL CRAP!!
Okay, kids. Me and your mom understand: You want us to buy you the new Woody and Buzz Lightyear dolls! Well, I'll tell you what. If you like cowboys fighting spacemen so much... THEN PICK UP A HISTORY BOOK! It's filled with all kinds of true-life stories about Wild West cowpokes lasso-ing astronauts. And if you don't believe me, just ask our current president: Tony the Tiger! GIVE ME A BREAK!!
4. THIS FINANCIAL CRISIS BUGABOO
Listen up, world, I'll cut you a deal: I write you a check for 5 trillion dollars and in exchange? YOU SHUT YOUR BIG MOUTH!! To be honest, I'm surprised our long-standing President Tony T. Tiger hasn't taken care of this already (isn't this why we made it legal for presidents to have 5 terms?). GIVE ME A BREAK!!
5. THE UNTIMELY DEATH OF PRESIDENT TONY THE TIGER
After 36 years as our President of the United States of America, you entered that great cereal jungle in the sky. Man, heaven's gonna' one helluva band! Give me a break? Not today. Give yourself a break, Tony. You earned it.