I recently had the pleasure of being interviewed by Dean Ryan from Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly, the magazine completely devoted to the study and appreciation of tiny brown rowboats. Here's the interview in its entirety:
Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly (TBRM): Hey, Paul, thanks for sitting down for this interview.
Paul Rust (PR): The pleasure is all mine. I'm a huge fan of Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly. And obviously, tiny brown rowboats as objects.
TBRM: So, let's get right down to the "nuts and bolts," as they say: how long have you owned your tiny brown rowboat?
PR: Oh. I don't own a tiny brown rowboat.
TBRM: You... don't?
TBRM: But certainly, you owned a tiny brown rowboat at some point in your life?
PR: I have never once owned a tiny brown rowboat.
PR: Does that surprise you, Mr. Ryan?
TBRM: I guess I'm just --- I'm shocked. I mean, it begs the question: why have you been reading Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly all these years if you yourself don't own a tiny brown rowboat?
PR: Do you read Newsweek, Mr. Ryan?
TBRM: Yes, but I don't see what that has to do with anything ---
PR: Do you OWN a "newsweek?"
TBRM: Don't be ridiculous. Of course, I ---
PR: Then why must I own a tiny brown rowboat to read Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly? Glass houses!
TBRM: You didn't let me finish. I was going to say, "Don't be ridiculous. Of course, I own a newsweek."
PR: You own a "newsweek." How is that even possible?
TBRM: What are you implying? That because I'm earning a journalist's wages, I can't afford to own my own "newsweek?"
PR: No, it's just that a "newsweek" doesn't even exist. It's not an object you could own.
TBRM: Really? Come with me. I want to show you something.
(PAUL RUST follows DEAN RYAN from TINY BROWN ROWBOAT MONTHLY as he walks to DEAN RYAN'S garage. DEAN RYAN opens his garage door)
(PAUL RUST gasps)
PR: Dear God!
TBRM: Now do you believe that a "newsweek" can exist?
PR: I do now!!!
TBRM: Good. May we continue with this interview?
PR: (really shaken up) Gladly. But just let me --- I'm so --- allow me to apologize. I'm sorry I doubted you about owning a "newsweek." Now that I see it... it's so... so... it's so obvious what a "newsweek" is and what it could be and I can't believe I ever doubted you.
TBRM: Water under the bridge, Mr. Rust.
PR: One more thing. And then we can continue with this interview.
TRBM: Go ahead.
PR: May I see your little brown rowboat?
TBRM: I don't own one. Never have.
PR: GEEZE, FOLKS!!! AIN'T THAT JUST THE WAY?!!!