Last night, my friend Rick and I developed a system to JUDGE ALL THINGS IN THE WORLD. It is as follows:

1. "Like and respect."
2. "Like, but don't respect."
3. "Respect, but don't like."
4. "Don't like and don't respect."

Look! It applies to EVERYTHING.

MOVIES
1. Like and Respect: Election
2. Like, But Don't Respect: The Day After Tomorrow
3. Respect, But Don't Like: Breathless
4. Don't Like and Don't Respect: Garden State

ROCK BANDS
1. Like and Respect: Big Star
2. Like, But Don't Respect: My Chemical Romance
3. Respect, But Don't Like: latter-day Radiohead
4. Don't Like and Don't Respect: Linkin Park

TV SHOWS
1. Like and Respect: Curb Your Enthusiasm
2. Like, But Don't Respect: Saved by the Bell
3. Respect, But Don't Like: Six Feet Under
4. Don't Like and Don't Respect: Tonight Show with Jay Leno

SANDWICHES
1. Like and Respect: Reuben
2. Like, But Don't Respect: Bacon Cheeseburger
3. Respect, But Don't Like: Fish Sandwich
4. Don't Like and Don't Respect: Patty Melt

PAST PETS
1. Like and Respect: Lucky (2nd black lab)
2. Like, But Don't Respect: Joe (1st black lab)
3. Respect, But Don't Like: Alley (cat)
4. Don't Like and Don't Respect: Artie (my turtle)

NATURAL ELEMENTS
1. Like and Respect: Water
2. Like, But Don't Respect: Wind
3. Respect, But Don't Like: Earth
4. Don't Like and Don't Respect: Fire

Want me to weigh in on more things in the world? Email your categories to me at strangelove45@hotmail.com and I'll post 'em on my blog.