Saturday, March 03, 2007

My ranking of 2006 movies continues...

21. Neil Young: Heart of Gold
If tapping your foot wasn't a crime, I would have tapped my foot throughout this entire movie!

22. Scoop
Two SCOOPS of Woody Allen please!

What's that you say? You don't make Woody Allen Ice Cream? Doesn't exist? Hmmm. Then... I'll have some Cherry Nut Ice Cream. You say you just ran out. Well then... let's go with the, uhhhh... Rocky Road? You ATE all the Rocky Road?!! Well, this is perfect. Juuuuuust perfect. What's the name of this ice cream parlour anyway? You're kidding me... Woody Allen's Ice Cream Shop. AND IT ALL COMES TOGETHER!!!

23. Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest
1, 2... SWASH-buckle my shoe?!! You heard it here first, folks!

24. Little Man
THIS COULD NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!!!

25. Rocky Balboa
Did you know that some professional boxers train by taking ballet lessons? Rocky Balboa doesn't, but some do. And not just boxers. All kinds of athletes. Basketball players. Football players. Baseball players. It helps them with their balance and strength and all that.

26. Strangers with Candy
Strangers with Candy? Or hardly working?!

27. Idiocracy
This movie should come with a warning: "NO DUMMIES ALLOWED!"

28. X-Men: The Last Stand
When a cure is found to treat mutations, lines are drawn amongst the X-Men, led by Professor Charles Xavier (Stewart), and the Brotherhood, a band of powerful mutants organized under Xavier's former ally, Magneto (McKellen).

29. Poseidon
Major misstep when the most likable character in the film (Kevin Dillon) was the first to die.

30. The Hills Have Eyes
The Hills may have eyes, but... I got ears! Cut down on the foul language!

31. A Scanner Darkly
They're making an underwater sequel (A Scanner Shark-ly), but not until they're done making a remake with an all-dog cast (A Scanner Bark-ly)... and a prequel featuring some chark (A Scanner Chark-ly).

32. This Film Is Not Yet Rated
Oh yes, it is! By me! D+!

33. The Da Vinci Code
Tom Hanks' worst film since The Risk Pool.

34. Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story
Boring.

35.For Your Consideration
Beware Caddyshack 2 fans! This is not a sequel to your favorite movie! The title is spelled with a "For," not a "Fore." I found out the hard way (I went to a country club and asked the head caddy for one ticket to Fore Your Consideration and he - very confused - asked me to leave... golfing to the pros!)

36. Date Movie
Anything but! (It's got some really crude humor from time to time)

37. Firewall
For serious, this was the first time I saw an I-Pod in a movie.

38. Lady in the Water
A lady in the water?! Someone call Erin Brokovich! (Bow)

39. Basic Instinct 2
#1 Way to Feel Weird: Watch this in a movie theatre on a Sunday night.

40. Miami Vice
Out of all the movies I saw in 2006, I would definitely rank this at #40.

4 comments:

Adam said...

Ugh, you shouldn't have done 20-40. Now that we see Pirates of the Caribbean at 23, we all know you're an idiot.

Obviously PotC:DMC should be your #1 movie. Before we all just assumed you hadn't watched it... because you were an idiot!

OldEnough said...

your june 30, 2004 posting was strangely depressing, fyi.

Ellen said...

You're weird - when did you watch Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story??????????

Brandon Burkhart said...

No shitting you, I took my ex-girlfriend to see "Firewall" on Valentines Day. Maybe that's why she's now my ex-girlfriend :-(