So I was watching that Adam Sandler movie "Click" and I gotta' say: THAT ADAM SANDLER GUY IS A MAJOR JERK! Making a girl's boobs bounce in slow-motion? Pulling down a guy's pants in freeze-frame? VERY IMMATURE!!!

Did he learn nothing in "Billy Madison?" I recommend that Mr. Sandler go back to school and repeat grades one through twelve ALL OVER AGAIN! And this time around, DO NOT BEHAVE LIKE YOU DID LAST TIME! That means...

NO EATING PASTE!
NO THROWING BALLS AT LITTLE KIDS!
NO PUTTING FAKE LICE ON YOUR HEAD TO SCARE THE NURSE AND MAKE HER FAINT!

And if you succeed in completing all twelve grades again, maybe - JUST MAYBE - if you're acting nicely, I'll allow you to go out to the golf course and hit golf balls like they were hockey pucks!!!

Love,
Your Biggest Fan

The writers of "The Right Now! Show" made a video yesterday. Many have called it the greatest music video ever created.



Completely authorized by Queen and David Bowie.

Boy, I sure do use my debit card a lot!

If the world ever went back to cash or credit, I'd be like: "Hey, why'd we go back to cash and credit? Debit cards were working so well!"

I've thought about this for a long time (5 years now), but I've finally determined the worst ways you could die.

1. You're going down a playground slide and there's spikes at the bottom of the slide
2. You jump off a high board and there's spikes in the swimming pool
3. You go into an elevator and the ceiling lowers down and there's spikes on it
4. You get into a car accident and the airbag is spikes
5. You lay down in bed and spikes fall on you
6. A pair of glasses with spikes
7. A vest with spikes
8. Spikes
9. Spikes
10. A rollercoaster with spikes

Hey, everybody. Some exciting news has just been announced.

I've been hired as a writer and cast member on a new comedy show pilot for FOX known as "The Right Now! Show." I'll be working on it for the next month and a half, then taping it either Friday, Sept 14 or Monday, September 17 in Los Angeles. Once I get the definite date and info, I'll post it here, so if you're in town, you can come check it out.

This should be really fun. I get the pleasure and honor of working with some of the funniest, smartest, most original folks doing comedy. And if the show gets picked up to air (hopefully early 2008), I think you'll like it, too.

Bye-bye.