October 27th, 2005 was:

1. The 10th birthday of my niece Alexis.
2. The 10th anniversary of my first official theatre performance

Yes. On the night of October 27th, 1995, my hometown was treated to both the birth of Li'l Alexis and the opening night of "Lost in Yonkers" at the community theatre. In fact, Alexis was born while I was onstage. When the play got out, I found out I was an uncle.

And so began my illustrious LeMars, Iowa theatre career. Join me as I look back, won't you?**

**(But only at the full-length plays. None of that 10-minute or one-act bullshit!)

LEMARS THEATER CAREER!!!

1. LOST IN YONKERS (OCTOBER 1995)
Neil Simon chronicles his childhood experiences in this Tony award-winning play. I portray young Artie. Will this be the first time I play a Jewish character onstage? Yes. Will it be my last? Oy vey, no!

2. OZ! (SUMMER 1996)
Remember all your favorite songs from The Wizard of Oz? Well, forget them as you watch The Kaleidoscope Kids Children's Theatre production of "Oz," a musical with a far less expensive copyright. As The Cowardly Lion, I sing such "classic" songs as "I'm Just a Lion" and "Public Domain #1." Still, a fun way to spend the summer.

3. GATEWAY OR: LEMARS IS BORN (FEBRUARY 1997)
I do double duty as both "TOWNSFOLK" and "INDIAN #2" in this rousing musical about my small town's history. One month later in Chicago, my sister Amy and I attend a screening of Waiting for Guffman, a mockumentary on... a rousing musical about a small town's history. Not since Eraser did a movie mirror my life so well!

4. ANNIE (SRPING 1997)
Double duty part 2. In one scene, I'm a hobo in a Hooverville. In another scene, I'm a radio DJ. What is this? The Story of Paul Harvey?!!

5. CHILDREN OF EDEN (SUMMER 1997)
An epic musical based on the Book of Genesis. Who did I play? Let's just say I was "ready, willing, and ABEL" to play the part. That's right. I was the mischevious "Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat!"

6. THE CLUMSY CUSTARD HORROR SHOW (SPRING 1998)
You'd think that after 5 plays, I would have established myself as Le Mars' own Larry Olivier, but... nope. Here I am - small role (a knight) with only one line. Fortunately, I delivered the line like a gay man. Historically accurate.

7. JESUS CHRIST: SUPERSTAR (SUMMER 1998
The summer musical to end all summer musicals. A cast of 50. Massive sets. A full orchestra. Huge, huge, huge. And as if that wasn't enough, we apostles get to eat Pita bread during the Last Supper scene!

8. WEST OF PECOS (SPRING 1999)
Apparently, when it comes to school spring plays, I prefer the highly sophisticated acting choices of "fey" and "kinda queer." In this western-themed play, I give the "Deputy" character a lisp and an effeminate posture. I like to think, however, that I've branched out from such behavior. (NOTE: Come to "Before They Were Giants" this Friday at the UCB Theatre and see me play Steven Spielberg as a fey man with a lisp).

9. ALONE TOGETHER (SPRING 1999)
Was this even the title of the play? I can't remember. If you were in this, email me and give me the title.

10. ONCE UPON A MATTRESS (SUMMER 1999)
After innumerable Google image searches, I can safely say that there are no photos of me wearing a jester outfit. At least, not on the Internet. My scrap-book is a different story, people!!!


And then this...

THE CELEBRITY CITED LIST:
55. Elijah Wood (Saturday, October 15th, 2005)

Ellen, Adam, and I spotted this "Good Son" outside the Arclight movie theatre... getting approached by a nerd. You know the nerd had to be grilling him about The Ice Storm.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 14TH
11:00PM
$8
(with The Winchester Preperatory Sketch Academy)

In the summer of 1974, four American filmmakers -- Francis Ford Coppola, Brian DePalma, Martin Scorsese, and Steven Spielberg -- spent a weekend together at a Malibu beachhouse. This is the story of that weekend.

Reserve your tickets here!

Presented by Fireball Deluxe

Written and Performed by Neil Campbell, Michael Cassady, Paul Rust, and Christopher Stangl

UCB Theatre
5919 Franklin Ave
Hollywood, 90028
(323) 908-8702

The holidays are never an easy time to be away from the family, but today, it's been particularly tough.

Columbus Day was always a big day for the Rust family. Every year, the day would begin with my mom's authentic "Christopher Columbus Breakfast" (three eggs, wheat toast, a pancake dyed orange). My sister Anne always claimed that an orange pancake tasted better than a regular pancake, but mom insisted she made them "the same way, dear" (us kids knew different).

After breakfast, the Rust Clan would get dressed up in our special costumes. Dad, of course, dressed as Christopher Columbus. Buckled shoes. Puffy pants. A big hat with a feather. We based his costume on the one Gerard Depardieu wore when he portrayed Columbus in the film "1492: Conquest of Paradise." Before that, dad's Columbus costume was based on... Depardieu's clothes in "Green Card." Boy, did dad look nice in that gray leather jacket!

As for the rest of us, my mom was Queen Isabella and me and my sisters were the three famed ships (the Nina, Pinta, the Santa Maria). It never failed that Amy and me would argue over who gets to be the Pinta. Eventually, we compromised and agreed to trade every other year (although I swear Amy got to be the Pinta in both 1987 and 1988). We haven't spoken since.

You'd think that after this, my family and I would engage in many more (very humorous) activities/examples. But you're wrong. This is all we would do. Eat breakfast and then put on costumes.

For the rest of the day, we just sat - very still - in our costumes in the living room. We spoke no words. It was kinda boring, but since mom and dad excused from school to do it, I didn't mind.

Then, at precisely midnight, we would all rise and go to our bedrooms. Sleep away the shame.

The next day, if you spoke about the previous day's events... you were murdered.

This blog entry is dedicated in loving memory to Charlie "Big Mouth" Rust.

R.I.P. Charlie "Big Mouth" Rust.
May You Blab In Heaven, Blabby-Mouth