Three Similar Events

ONE: Last Saturday, as the spaceship doors slid shut on the Star Tours ride, I quipped out loud, "Star Wars? More like Star Doors!" Surprisngly, it quieted the 30 other people on the ride - except for this 6 year-old girl sitting in front of us who lost her shit. It was ruined, however, by a guy behind me who said, "You actually said that with a straight face?" He then proceeded to stare at me for the next minute-and-a-half. It was uncomfortable.

TWO: Last Thursday, as Adam and I sat in the theatre - waiting for a matinee screening of The Polar Express to begin - I spilled ketchup-and-mustard on me from a Hebrew National hot dog. I said, "Shit." At that point, the mother-and-son pair in front of me turned their heads and glared at me. So, I said, "Oh... I mean... great." Apparently, according to me, cleaning up your dirty language means changing its entire meaning altogether. This was... yes, uncomfortable.

THREE: Last Friday, as Adam and I boarded our airplane in Dallas, we hypothesized what it would be like if Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were your friends. Could you, in fact, talk about Full House around them? Would it be proper, for instance, to ask them to repeat catchphrases from the show (even ones that aren't their own - like "How rude!")? And finally, how would one go about forcing Mary-Kate and Ashley to say "How Rude?" Abruptly, a woman in front of us (who was seemingly eavesdropping) turns around and says to us, "Put it in a box. And sell it on Ebay." Was that a suggesetion? A threat? A psychotic outburst? Adam and I nod - equal amounts of politeness and bewilderment. That lady was weird. She was carrying a 1996 Atlanta Olympics tote-bag. And, of course, this was all... you guessed it! Uncomfortable!