Rob Morrow wishes he was there last night.

To my surprise, last night's Real Gilligan's Island party was an authentic premiere. At first, I thought it was just going to be a shaggy get-together with Little Caesar's Pizza and TBS playing on a 10-inch TV/VCR combo.

But no.

Red carpet. TV Crews. Fancy-food trays. Open bar. And lots of attractive-looking people in expensive clothes.

It was neat.

Of course, my trademark insecurities (TM) kicked in and I got a tad self-conscious about how I looked. Folks' faces were better-looking than mine. You know the tune.

At one point, I walked by a group of stunning people and right when I passed, my cell phone fell out of my jacket.

It had slipped out through the hole in my pocket.

Yes. I am the poor, poor vagrant living among the show-biz elite.

But I got a free CD player as a "crew gift." So that's pretty cool.