I'm finally unpacking (after three weeks!) and as a result, I'm going through all the old junk in my bedroom.

And Holy Gouche! I've came across a real treasure:

My 1995 "Movie Idea" book containing the plot outlines for such 7th-grade masterpieces as "Wasteless Armchair Liquids" and "Rotten Aries." All of these films are heavy, heavy, heavy Tarantino rip-offs (as that was my main obsession at the time). And of course, like any good writer, I spent more time on "dream casting" than ever re-drafting a script. Surprisingly, the cast list still holds up. I mean, who wouldn't want to see Mickey Rourke and Buddy Hackett in a movie together?

Of course, after you uncover something like this and become embarrassed by its amateur status, you instantly look at the work you're doing now and realize you will be mortified by that as well. In a few years, I'll revisit something like "David Mows Yards" or "Bubblegum Brigade" and I know its faults will sting.

The thing is... those 7th-grade scripts are relegated to my bedroom where no one can see them, but hundreds have seen "David Mows Yards" and "Bubblegum Brigade" or whatever else I've done. Not only will I have to suffer these errors alone, but additionally, I'll have to think about how many others witnessed them as well - and it will sting to know that some in the audience were rolling their eyes at those very errors while they were watching it.

Fortunately, I can rest in the knowledge that I don't put out potentially embarrassing stuff out to the world everyday, which can be archived and read (on, I don't know, say the Internet) for many years to come.

Oh... wait.