Hey! I wanted to post about this before I forgot, but I a really, really funny thing happened to me today at the Burbank airport.
I was waiting for my duffel bag at the luggage carousel and because my bag is red, whenever I saw a piece of red luggage.... I THOUGHT IT WAS MINE!!!
"Boy, you sure have a dumb brain," I said to myself (probably).
I should clarify: I didn't think ever piece of red luggage was my red duffel bag. Just certain pieces of red luggage (especially if it resembled a duffel bag from far away).
Like I said, it was really funny! Hey, I gave you fair warning, didn't I?
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Hey, Iowa City friends!
I'm coming back to Iowa for the holidays and this Friday, my band DON'T STOP OR WE'LL DIE will be playing in Iowa City. Here's the info:
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21
9:30PM
THE PICADOR (330 E. Washington St.)
(playing with The Puritanicals and The Brown Note)
Doors open at 9PM. We're the first to play. Please come out and enjoy the show (and maybe we can catch up afterwards?)
In addition to me, DON'T STOP OR WE'LL DIE features Mike Cassady (who also went to the University of Iowa) and the fantastic Joe Gallaro (as our IC replacement drummer). We're a piano-pop outfit and you can hear our songs on our myspace page:
www.myspace.com/dontstoporwelldie
Hope to see you there! Drop me a line if you plan on coming!
I'm coming back to Iowa for the holidays and this Friday, my band DON'T STOP OR WE'LL DIE will be playing in Iowa City. Here's the info:
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21
9:30PM
THE PICADOR (330 E. Washington St.)
(playing with The Puritanicals and The Brown Note)
Doors open at 9PM. We're the first to play. Please come out and enjoy the show (and maybe we can catch up afterwards?)
In addition to me, DON'T STOP OR WE'LL DIE features Mike Cassady (who also went to the University of Iowa) and the fantastic Joe Gallaro (as our IC replacement drummer). We're a piano-pop outfit and you can hear our songs on our myspace page:
www.myspace.com/dontstoporwelldie
Hope to see you there! Drop me a line if you plan on coming!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Hey, kids (between roughly the ages of 5 and 8)!
If you fall asleep on a long car trip (say, coming back from your grandma's house), but happen to wake up as your parents are parking the car in your driveway... here's a tip! Act like you're still asleep. That way, your dad will carry you from the car to the house and then your mom will tuck you into bed! You won't have to move a muscle!
(Plus, it's a gentle, reassuring reminder that your parents care for you)
If you fall asleep on a long car trip (say, coming back from your grandma's house), but happen to wake up as your parents are parking the car in your driveway... here's a tip! Act like you're still asleep. That way, your dad will carry you from the car to the house and then your mom will tuck you into bed! You won't have to move a muscle!
(Plus, it's a gentle, reassuring reminder that your parents care for you)
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The cool dudes at Metromix asked Neil Campbell and I to do their Ask a Comic this week. You can read it here.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
KINDERGARTEN
When my name's called at role call, I hide underneath my desk and say, "Not here!" Class eats it up. Thank you.
FIRST GRADE
Above the drinking fountain, there's a Xerox-ed advertisement for Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, which the local movie theater has mysteriously taped to the wall. Weird? Not at all. It's called "viral marketing," folks!
SECOND GRADE
Teacher scolds me for misbehaving in class. I apologize by drawing her a picture of me crying. (This is basically how I apologize to people for the next 17 years)
THIRD GRADE
Teacher's son returns home from war in Iraq and visits our class to answer all our questions. Yes, he did know my friend Rick's sister in high school!
FOURTH GRADE
Female classmate brings father's nude playing cards to school and hides them in her locker. You can look at 'em, if you ask.
FIFTH GRADE
Dead bat found in aquarium.
SIXTH GRADE
Teacher always - always - says "approximate" when giving us the running times for videos we watch in class. Always. Weird.
SEVENTH GRADE
Over summer vacation, I enter puberty. I want my classmates (especially the girls) to know, but that's not something you can announce. Then on the first day of school, teacher says in front of entire class, "Paul, you look different." Yay, she did it for me!
EIGHTH GRADE
I return from Christmas break with a new haircut. It's one of those "Caesar cuts" like that guy from ER. I'm hot shit!
When my name's called at role call, I hide underneath my desk and say, "Not here!" Class eats it up. Thank you.
FIRST GRADE
Above the drinking fountain, there's a Xerox-ed advertisement for Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, which the local movie theater has mysteriously taped to the wall. Weird? Not at all. It's called "viral marketing," folks!
SECOND GRADE
Teacher scolds me for misbehaving in class. I apologize by drawing her a picture of me crying. (This is basically how I apologize to people for the next 17 years)
THIRD GRADE
Teacher's son returns home from war in Iraq and visits our class to answer all our questions. Yes, he did know my friend Rick's sister in high school!
FOURTH GRADE
Female classmate brings father's nude playing cards to school and hides them in her locker. You can look at 'em, if you ask.
FIFTH GRADE
Dead bat found in aquarium.
SIXTH GRADE
Teacher always - always - says "approximate" when giving us the running times for videos we watch in class. Always. Weird.
SEVENTH GRADE
Over summer vacation, I enter puberty. I want my classmates (especially the girls) to know, but that's not something you can announce. Then on the first day of school, teacher says in front of entire class, "Paul, you look different." Yay, she did it for me!
EIGHTH GRADE
I return from Christmas break with a new haircut. It's one of those "Caesar cuts" like that guy from ER. I'm hot shit!
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
I bought a new car. I like it a lot, but the CD player doesn't work. It plays a song for about 30 seconds, then stops.
Tonight, I was driving in Los Angeles, listening to the song "Shady Lane" by Pavement. And a minute in, I realize, "Hey, the song's not stopping like it usually does. Yay!"
So, this is dumb, but I begin to reflect on the larger implications of my CD player (because I'm deep like that). Maybe - maaaaaaybe - this is a metaphor for LIFE?!! Y'know, you can get bummed out about stuff being sucky and not working out for you... and then out of nowhere, life surprises you and something goes your way. A SONG DOESN'T STOP PLAYING! And that's pretty cool. So maybe shit ain't so bad after all?
Then the song stops.
I was anticipating that, of course. As soon as I came up with the whole CD-player-as-metaphor-for-life thing, I instantly thought, "So if this song stops, I'm gonna' get bummed out because that's saying - what? - happiness is fleeting and it's our lot in life to be miserable and disappointed."
And guess what? When the song stopped, I got really really sad. Started welling up with tears? Weeeeeiiiiiiiird.
And then - woah! - the song starts up again. It's never done that before! Normally, the song stops, the CD player says "ERROR," and I switch to a radio station instead. So I'm genuinely, genuinely, genuinely surprised that the song resumed. Why were you almost crying, Paul? This is awesome.
Yay! Take that, metaphor! It's NOT our lot in life to be miserable and disappointed!
Then the song stops and the CD player says "ERROR."
Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. I don't want to think about it anymore.
NOTE:
It wasn't until writing this blog that I realized the song "Shady Lane" is all about this sort of stuff. Except Pavement does it in a much better, more artful and affecting way. So listen to the song (it's really good and I linked to the video below) and enjoy it and have a nice day, okay?
Tonight, I was driving in Los Angeles, listening to the song "Shady Lane" by Pavement. And a minute in, I realize, "Hey, the song's not stopping like it usually does. Yay!"
So, this is dumb, but I begin to reflect on the larger implications of my CD player (because I'm deep like that). Maybe - maaaaaaybe - this is a metaphor for LIFE?!! Y'know, you can get bummed out about stuff being sucky and not working out for you... and then out of nowhere, life surprises you and something goes your way. A SONG DOESN'T STOP PLAYING! And that's pretty cool. So maybe shit ain't so bad after all?
Then the song stops.
I was anticipating that, of course. As soon as I came up with the whole CD-player-as-metaphor-for-life thing, I instantly thought, "So if this song stops, I'm gonna' get bummed out because that's saying - what? - happiness is fleeting and it's our lot in life to be miserable and disappointed."
And guess what? When the song stopped, I got really really sad. Started welling up with tears? Weeeeeiiiiiiiird.
And then - woah! - the song starts up again. It's never done that before! Normally, the song stops, the CD player says "ERROR," and I switch to a radio station instead. So I'm genuinely, genuinely, genuinely surprised that the song resumed. Why were you almost crying, Paul? This is awesome.
Yay! Take that, metaphor! It's NOT our lot in life to be miserable and disappointed!
Then the song stops and the CD player says "ERROR."
Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. I don't want to think about it anymore.
NOTE:
It wasn't until writing this blog that I realized the song "Shady Lane" is all about this sort of stuff. Except Pavement does it in a much better, more artful and affecting way. So listen to the song (it's really good and I linked to the video below) and enjoy it and have a nice day, okay?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
PAUL RUST'S GUIDE TO EASY LIVING
Installment #37: Purchasing Coca-Cola
1. Go to your local Albertson's grocery store. Walk, don't drive. After all, Albertson's is just around the corner. It's exercise for you and good for the environment!
2. Pick up a 12-pack of Coca-Cola Classic (fridge-pack style) and bring it to the register for purchase.
3. Listen to Albertson's cashier lady as she tells you: "If you buy 1 pack of Coke, you get 2 free." Consider how this is a deal you can't refuse.
4. Go back and grab 2 more 12-packs of Coca-Cola Classic. IMPORTANT: Make sure to forget that you didn't bring your car to Albertson's.
5. Purchase 3 12-packs of Coca-Cola Classic (fridge-pack style). As cashier lady rings you up, reflect on how Coca-Cola seems to put Santa Claus on their cans earlier and earlier with each passing year. Reflect only on that.
6. Watch Albertson's sacker put groceries in plastic bags. When sacker asks if you want your bags in a cart, then - and only then - let it dawn on you that you didn't bring your car to Albertson's.
7. Walk the 2 blocks back to you apartment while struggling to carry 3 12-packs of Coca-Cola Classic (fridge-style).
8. On your walk, attempt multiple, unsuccessful methods of carrying 3 12-packs at once (i.e. one pack in each hand and the third pack under your arm, two packs in one hand and the third pack in the other hand, one pack in one hand and two packs under your arm). Rotate between each method every 50 feet.
9. Get embarrassed when a woman walks by and laughs at how you (a grown man) is struggling to carry 3 12-packs of soda pop.
10. At long last, enter your home. Kick back, relax, and award yourself with a tall, cool glass of... Diet Rite?!! Oh, no! Back to Albertson's, I guess!***
***Step #10 was written by author O. Henry
Installment #37: Purchasing Coca-Cola
1. Go to your local Albertson's grocery store. Walk, don't drive. After all, Albertson's is just around the corner. It's exercise for you and good for the environment!
2. Pick up a 12-pack of Coca-Cola Classic (fridge-pack style) and bring it to the register for purchase.
3. Listen to Albertson's cashier lady as she tells you: "If you buy 1 pack of Coke, you get 2 free." Consider how this is a deal you can't refuse.
4. Go back and grab 2 more 12-packs of Coca-Cola Classic. IMPORTANT: Make sure to forget that you didn't bring your car to Albertson's.
5. Purchase 3 12-packs of Coca-Cola Classic (fridge-pack style). As cashier lady rings you up, reflect on how Coca-Cola seems to put Santa Claus on their cans earlier and earlier with each passing year. Reflect only on that.
6. Watch Albertson's sacker put groceries in plastic bags. When sacker asks if you want your bags in a cart, then - and only then - let it dawn on you that you didn't bring your car to Albertson's.
7. Walk the 2 blocks back to you apartment while struggling to carry 3 12-packs of Coca-Cola Classic (fridge-style).
8. On your walk, attempt multiple, unsuccessful methods of carrying 3 12-packs at once (i.e. one pack in each hand and the third pack under your arm, two packs in one hand and the third pack in the other hand, one pack in one hand and two packs under your arm). Rotate between each method every 50 feet.
9. Get embarrassed when a woman walks by and laughs at how you (a grown man) is struggling to carry 3 12-packs of soda pop.
10. At long last, enter your home. Kick back, relax, and award yourself with a tall, cool glass of... Diet Rite?!! Oh, no! Back to Albertson's, I guess!***
***Step #10 was written by author O. Henry
Monday, November 12, 2007
I recently had the pleasure of being interviewed by Dean Ryan from Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly, the magazine completely devoted to the study and appreciation of tiny brown rowboats. Here's the interview in its entirety:
Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly (TBRM): Hey, Paul, thanks for sitting down for this interview.
Paul Rust (PR): The pleasure is all mine. I'm a huge fan of Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly. And obviously, tiny brown rowboats as objects.
TBRM: So, let's get right down to the "nuts and bolts," as they say: how long have you owned your tiny brown rowboat?
PR: Oh. I don't own a tiny brown rowboat.
TBRM: You... don't?
PR: Nope.
TBRM: But certainly, you owned a tiny brown rowboat at some point in your life?
PR: I have never once owned a tiny brown rowboat.
TBRM: Hmmm.
PR: Does that surprise you, Mr. Ryan?
TBRM: I guess I'm just --- I'm shocked. I mean, it begs the question: why have you been reading Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly all these years if you yourself don't own a tiny brown rowboat?
PR: Do you read Newsweek, Mr. Ryan?
TBRM: Yes, but I don't see what that has to do with anything ---
PR: Do you OWN a "newsweek?"
TBRM: Don't be ridiculous. Of course, I ---
PR: Then why must I own a tiny brown rowboat to read Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly? Glass houses!
TBRM: You didn't let me finish. I was going to say, "Don't be ridiculous. Of course, I own a newsweek."
PR: You own a "newsweek." How is that even possible?
TBRM: What are you implying? That because I'm earning a journalist's wages, I can't afford to own my own "newsweek?"
PR: No, it's just that a "newsweek" doesn't even exist. It's not an object you could own.
TBRM: Really? Come with me. I want to show you something.
(PAUL RUST follows DEAN RYAN from TINY BROWN ROWBOAT MONTHLY as he walks to DEAN RYAN'S garage. DEAN RYAN opens his garage door)
(PAUL RUST gasps)
PR: Dear God!
TBRM: Now do you believe that a "newsweek" can exist?
PR: I do now!!!
TBRM: Good. May we continue with this interview?
PR: (really shaken up) Gladly. But just let me --- I'm so --- allow me to apologize. I'm sorry I doubted you about owning a "newsweek." Now that I see it... it's so... so... it's so obvious what a "newsweek" is and what it could be and I can't believe I ever doubted you.
TBRM: Water under the bridge, Mr. Rust.
PR: One more thing. And then we can continue with this interview.
TRBM: Go ahead.
PR: May I see your little brown rowboat?
TBRM: I don't own one. Never have.
PR: GEEZE, FOLKS!!! AIN'T THAT JUST THE WAY?!!!
Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly (TBRM): Hey, Paul, thanks for sitting down for this interview.
Paul Rust (PR): The pleasure is all mine. I'm a huge fan of Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly. And obviously, tiny brown rowboats as objects.
TBRM: So, let's get right down to the "nuts and bolts," as they say: how long have you owned your tiny brown rowboat?
PR: Oh. I don't own a tiny brown rowboat.
TBRM: You... don't?
PR: Nope.
TBRM: But certainly, you owned a tiny brown rowboat at some point in your life?
PR: I have never once owned a tiny brown rowboat.
TBRM: Hmmm.
PR: Does that surprise you, Mr. Ryan?
TBRM: I guess I'm just --- I'm shocked. I mean, it begs the question: why have you been reading Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly all these years if you yourself don't own a tiny brown rowboat?
PR: Do you read Newsweek, Mr. Ryan?
TBRM: Yes, but I don't see what that has to do with anything ---
PR: Do you OWN a "newsweek?"
TBRM: Don't be ridiculous. Of course, I ---
PR: Then why must I own a tiny brown rowboat to read Tiny Brown Rowboat Monthly? Glass houses!
TBRM: You didn't let me finish. I was going to say, "Don't be ridiculous. Of course, I own a newsweek."
PR: You own a "newsweek." How is that even possible?
TBRM: What are you implying? That because I'm earning a journalist's wages, I can't afford to own my own "newsweek?"
PR: No, it's just that a "newsweek" doesn't even exist. It's not an object you could own.
TBRM: Really? Come with me. I want to show you something.
(PAUL RUST follows DEAN RYAN from TINY BROWN ROWBOAT MONTHLY as he walks to DEAN RYAN'S garage. DEAN RYAN opens his garage door)
(PAUL RUST gasps)
PR: Dear God!
TBRM: Now do you believe that a "newsweek" can exist?
PR: I do now!!!
TBRM: Good. May we continue with this interview?
PR: (really shaken up) Gladly. But just let me --- I'm so --- allow me to apologize. I'm sorry I doubted you about owning a "newsweek." Now that I see it... it's so... so... it's so obvious what a "newsweek" is and what it could be and I can't believe I ever doubted you.
TBRM: Water under the bridge, Mr. Rust.
PR: One more thing. And then we can continue with this interview.
TRBM: Go ahead.
PR: May I see your little brown rowboat?
TBRM: I don't own one. Never have.
PR: GEEZE, FOLKS!!! AIN'T THAT JUST THE WAY?!!!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Y'know, there's a BRAND-NEW song playing on the radio lately and it's got a line that goes something like this:
They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway.
Yeah. Okay. But you know what? Neon lights ALSO shine bright somewhere else...
Las Vegas!
Open up your eyes, America's songwriters! And get your facts straight!!!
They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway.
Yeah. Okay. But you know what? Neon lights ALSO shine bright somewhere else...
Las Vegas!
Open up your eyes, America's songwriters! And get your facts straight!!!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Hey, y'all -
I'm in two bands. Click on the link to check out their MySpace pages.
THE GLASS BEEF
Charlyne Yi and I play genuine rock-n-roll. We have a show this Friday at the UCB Theatre where will be selling our new debut CD.
DON'T STOP OR WE'LL DIE
Michael Cassady, Harris Wittels, and I play epic pop. We recorded last week and our new page features some of the early mixes.
If you like what you hear, make these bands your MySpace friends and spread the word, please.
Thanks!
I'm in two bands. Click on the link to check out their MySpace pages.
THE GLASS BEEF
Charlyne Yi and I play genuine rock-n-roll. We have a show this Friday at the UCB Theatre where will be selling our new debut CD.
DON'T STOP OR WE'LL DIE
Michael Cassady, Harris Wittels, and I play epic pop. We recorded last week and our new page features some of the early mixes.
If you like what you hear, make these bands your MySpace friends and spread the word, please.
Thanks!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Hey, gimme a break, people! I'm trying real hard to learn how to play the trumpet!
Every morning, I wake up, crack my knuckles, take a seat on that stool... and start wailing on those beautiful 88 keys!
Wait a minute. 88 keys... alternating between black and white... makes a piano sound when I touch them...
Oh, no! For the past 7 years, I haven't been learning how to play the trumpet at all!
I've been learning how to play the... PIANO!!!
Oh, well! Back to the ol' drawing board!
(The ol' TRUMPET board, that is!)
Every morning, I wake up, crack my knuckles, take a seat on that stool... and start wailing on those beautiful 88 keys!
Wait a minute. 88 keys... alternating between black and white... makes a piano sound when I touch them...
Oh, no! For the past 7 years, I haven't been learning how to play the trumpet at all!
I've been learning how to play the... PIANO!!!
Oh, well! Back to the ol' drawing board!
(The ol' TRUMPET board, that is!)
Y'know, it's funny. I hear all this talk: "Will the Western ride again?"
Just a moment ago, I read a headline on IMDB.com and it asked: "Will the Western ride again?"
And my answer is this: Hey, we'll just have to wait and see how much money 3:10 to Yuma makes on its opening weekend!
Maybe through that, we'll be better suited to answer that question...
Will the Western ride again?
Just a moment ago, I read a headline on IMDB.com and it asked: "Will the Western ride again?"
And my answer is this: Hey, we'll just have to wait and see how much money 3:10 to Yuma makes on its opening weekend!
Maybe through that, we'll be better suited to answer that question...
Will the Western ride again?
Saturday, September 08, 2007
I'd just like to point out that right now (at age 26, in September 2007), I am at my most handsome.
The most handsome I've ever been in my whole life.
And although my face is certainly not the most handsome when compared to others' faces, it's definitely the most handsome when compared to my past faces.
And that's something I shouldn't be too shy to acknowledge about myself.
Self-esteem.
The most handsome I've ever been in my whole life.
And although my face is certainly not the most handsome when compared to others' faces, it's definitely the most handsome when compared to my past faces.
And that's something I shouldn't be too shy to acknowledge about myself.
Self-esteem.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Friday, August 31, 2007
So I was watching that Adam Sandler movie "Click" and I gotta' say: THAT ADAM SANDLER GUY IS A MAJOR JERK! Making a girl's boobs bounce in slow-motion? Pulling down a guy's pants in freeze-frame? VERY IMMATURE!!!
Did he learn nothing in "Billy Madison?" I recommend that Mr. Sandler go back to school and repeat grades one through twelve ALL OVER AGAIN! And this time around, DO NOT BEHAVE LIKE YOU DID LAST TIME! That means...
NO EATING PASTE!
NO THROWING BALLS AT LITTLE KIDS!
NO PUTTING FAKE LICE ON YOUR HEAD TO SCARE THE NURSE AND MAKE HER FAINT!
And if you succeed in completing all twelve grades again, maybe - JUST MAYBE - if you're acting nicely, I'll allow you to go out to the golf course and hit golf balls like they were hockey pucks!!!
Love,
Your Biggest Fan
Did he learn nothing in "Billy Madison?" I recommend that Mr. Sandler go back to school and repeat grades one through twelve ALL OVER AGAIN! And this time around, DO NOT BEHAVE LIKE YOU DID LAST TIME! That means...
NO EATING PASTE!
NO THROWING BALLS AT LITTLE KIDS!
NO PUTTING FAKE LICE ON YOUR HEAD TO SCARE THE NURSE AND MAKE HER FAINT!
And if you succeed in completing all twelve grades again, maybe - JUST MAYBE - if you're acting nicely, I'll allow you to go out to the golf course and hit golf balls like they were hockey pucks!!!
Love,
Your Biggest Fan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)