To celebrate this event, I will do the unimaginable: take a survey. And yes, I've waited the prerequisite six months since my last survey was taken. Limiting yourself to surveys in your blog is akin to an upstanding television series allowing itself only one "clips show" per season. I'm talking to you, Family Ties!
FIRSTS:
First car: My grandma's root-beer-colored 1982 Pontiac. Nickname: "Laserbeam."
First break-up: Bobbie Jo Langel; 8th grade; January 1996. And to think, we went to The Big Green together!
First screen name: Bananafish (as in - "A Perfect Day to Be a Douchey Salinger Fan")
First self purchased album: "Weird Al" Yankovic's Polka Party. Album Highlight: Mr. Yankovic's impassioned no-nukes anthem "Christmas at Grand Zero."
First pets: Joe, the black lab. Like all children, I named him after my favorite uncle. He later filed litigation.
First piercing/tattoo: I ain't no rock-n-roller, Mr. Jagger!
First credit card: I will assume you're referring to the "credit card" that is someone sticking their hand in between your butt-cheeks. If that's the case... I'm giving myself one right now.
First enemy: Computer printers! Am I right?
First big trip: The Moon; July 1969
LASTS
Last cigarette: The one I put out on your face, narc!
Last car ride: The Moon; July 1969
Last kiss: My last "Knights in Satanic Service" meeting was... March, maybe?
Last good cry: Moonstruck!
Last library book checked out: "How to Burn Down a Library: An Easy 10-Step Guide to Ruining Buildings That You're Standing In"
Last movie seen: Splatter Farm (alternate title: Just Around the Corner, Joseph)
Last beverage drank: Hamburger juice!
Last food consumed: A big pile of dirt and twigs
Last phone call: Carson Daly
Last shoes worn: You wear shoes? Narc!
Last item bought: Shoes.
Last annoyance: The cancellation of Ed.
Last time scolded: Ladies and gentlemen, the first Internet survey written by a 2nd grader!
Did you hear about the new Pixies tribute album? It's a bunch of bands filling out Internet surveys.
First car: My grandma's root-beer-colored 1982 Pontiac. Nickname: "Laserbeam."
First break-up: Bobbie Jo Langel; 8th grade; January 1996. And to think, we went to The Big Green together!
First screen name: Bananafish (as in - "A Perfect Day to Be a Douchey Salinger Fan")
First self purchased album: "Weird Al" Yankovic's Polka Party. Album Highlight: Mr. Yankovic's impassioned no-nukes anthem "Christmas at Grand Zero."
First pets: Joe, the black lab. Like all children, I named him after my favorite uncle. He later filed litigation.
First piercing/tattoo: I ain't no rock-n-roller, Mr. Jagger!
First credit card: I will assume you're referring to the "credit card" that is someone sticking their hand in between your butt-cheeks. If that's the case... I'm giving myself one right now.
First enemy: Computer printers! Am I right?
First big trip: The Moon; July 1969
LASTS
Last cigarette: The one I put out on your face, narc!
Last car ride: The Moon; July 1969
Last kiss: My last "Knights in Satanic Service" meeting was... March, maybe?
Last good cry: Moonstruck!
Last library book checked out: "How to Burn Down a Library: An Easy 10-Step Guide to Ruining Buildings That You're Standing In"
Last movie seen: Splatter Farm (alternate title: Just Around the Corner, Joseph)
Last beverage drank: Hamburger juice!
Last food consumed: A big pile of dirt and twigs
Last phone call: Carson Daly
Last shoes worn: You wear shoes? Narc!
Last item bought: Shoes.
Last annoyance: The cancellation of Ed.
Last time scolded: Ladies and gentlemen, the first Internet survey written by a 2nd grader!
Did you hear about the new Pixies tribute album? It's a bunch of bands filling out Internet surveys.
1 comment:
hilarious.
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