AN OPEN LETTER TO DUSTIN DIAMOND (A.K.A. "SCREECH" FROM "SAVED BY THE BELL"):

I used to like you, Dustin Diamond/Screech. Others would diss you and put you down, but I always stuck up for you. "He's tragically annoying, not just annoying," I would tell your detractors. Heck... less than two weeks ago, you were #2 on my list of favorite "Saved by the Bell" characters.

But recently I've been listening to your commentary tracks on the "Saved by the Bell: Seasons 3 and 4" DVDs. And you, sir, are a dick. YOU MUST KNOW: It's not "funny" or "clever" or "cool" to put down the show. Yes, we all know it is unrealistic. And yes, the clothes are "out of style." And yes, Slater sported a "permed mullet." But for those of us who have spent hard-earned book-return money on your DVDs and have taken the time to listen to the commentary tracks on said DVDs, we clearly are fans of the show and obviously adore it for these very details. Why - why - why would we want to hear somebody trash it repeatedly?

In the future, if you happen to do any more commentary tracks, I encourage you to behave more like Dennis Haskins/"Mr. Belding." In his commentary, he displays such genuine and earnest affection for the show that it makes you wish he was your principal. And friend. And father.

Sure, Dustin/Screech, it's fun to mock the show. We've all done it ourselves from time to time. But at the end of the day, do you want to say to yourself, "I shared love with this world" or "I perpetuated hate in this world?" The answer is clear. This world needs love, Dusty D. The world needs love.