When there's nothing to say...

Say it in a survey!

01: grab the book nearest to you. turn to page 18, find line 4. write down here what it says : "SOMETIMES IT IS FRUSTRATING TO ME THAT I GET CREDIT FOR WHAT THEY, IN FACT, DO."

02: stretch your left arm out as far as you can. what do you touch first? : A COUCH CUSHION (I USE IT SO MY MARCHING BAND DRUMS DON'T SCRATCH THE BACK OF MY NECK)

03: what is the last thing you watched on TV? : "CHEERS" (FRASIER CRANE WAS DATING A THIN JENNIFER TILLY)

04: without looking, guess what the time is : 1:03AM

05: now look at the clock, what is the actual time? : 12:57AM

06: with the exception of the computer, what can you hear? : A ROGAINE COMMERCIAL ON MY TV (BUT GET THIS - IT'S FOR CHICKS! NOT FELLERS!)

07: when did you last step outside? what were you doing? : I WAS WALKING HOME FROM A T.W.E.A.N. (TOTALLY.WEDNESDAY.EVENINGS.AT.NINE) SCREENING OF "HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP" (I'VE SEEN THREE MOVIES WITH VIC MORROW AND IN EACH ONE, HE PLAYS A MEAN-SPIRITED RACIST - CAN YOU NAME THE OTHER TWO?)

08: before you came to this website, what did you look at? : IMDB.COM - READING ABOUT "HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP" (THIS IS HOW YOU LEARN ABOUT THE MOVIES YOU'VE WATCHED)

09: what are you wearing? : THIS IS ALWAYS THE MOST BORING QUESTION IN SURVEYS! (GREEN SHIRT. GREY SHORTY-SHORTS. HAPPY?)

10: did you dream last night? what about? : I WAS UP FOR 27 HOURS AND TOOK A 2-HOUR NAP YESTERDAY - NO TIME FOR DREAMIN'!

11: when did you last laugh? why? : CONAN MADE A JOKE ABOUT PROTECTING HIMSELF FROM THE SUN BY WEARING A WOMAN'S DRESS

12: what is on the walls of the room you are in?: A DRAWING OF A COBRA PUSHING THROUGH A YIN-YANG (MY FRIENDS FOUND IT ON THE GROUND - I'M ASSUMING SOMEBODY BRILLIANT DREW IT)

13: seen anything weird lately? : OH, BROTHER!

14: what do you think of this quiz? : I LOVE IT!

15: what is the last film you saw? : GEEEEZE! I SAID, "HUMANOIDS OF THE DEEP!" IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN LISTEN TO ME ANYMORE, SURVEY-BLOGGY!

16: if you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: JACK BROWN FOR MY SON, ERIC BATES

17: tell me something about you that I don't know: YOU... YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME, SURVEY-BLOGGY

18: if you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: "CROSSING JORDAN" FIVE NIGHTS A WEEK!!!

19: do you like to dance? : DOES THIS ANSWER YOUR QUESTION? (THEN I FART)

20: George Bush : WHY'D HE PUKE ON THAT JAPANESE GUY?! GROSSSSS!

21: imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: NOT A BOY!!!

22: imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?: HEIR TO MY RICHES!!!

23: would you ever consider living abroad?: LIVING ABROAD? NO. KISSING A BROAD? DOUBLE NO! MARRYING A BROAD AND MAKING HER THE HAPPIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD? HOT DAMN!

24: will you pass on this survey?: I'LL MAKE A PASS ON THIS SURVEY. SHE'S F-F-FINE IN THAT SUNDRESS!


You're getting better everyday!