God bless all those who began kindergarten in 1987.

For them... every four years... all the major events happen: the olympics, presidential elections, and new beginnings.

Like me!

1992:
Olympics - "Dan VS. Dave" fever sweeps the nation. Reebok later murders both.
Elections - Clinton beats Bush. Reebok plans both of their assasinations.
Me - I enter "JUNIOR HIGH" - in addition to the slow, hellish descent that is puberty.

1996:
Olympics - Girls' gymnastic team captures America's attention... and attention!
Elections - Bob Dole enters oval office - to hide behind a couch and weep at what might have been.
Me - "HIGH SCHOOL" kicks in gear. Four years of cuttin' class and grabbin' ass!

2000:
Olympics - Mad scientist controls results of all events. No one notices.
Elections - Bush (Republican Party) beats Al Gore (Republican Party II).
Me - "COLLEGE" is here. I run for student government and beat Bob Dole and a mad scientist - whose main platform is "Change the Olympics, Change the World" (I forget what the mad scientist's platform was though).

2004:
Olympics - In effect, y'all!
Elections - Entertainment Tonight says Ben Affleck is a Democrat!
Me - Today, on August 20th, I head west to Los Angeles, California. Puberty is officially complete (although I anticipate my pubic hair to begin growing at any moment)

Your Friend,
Paul