If you are the 15,000th person to read my blog (look at the web-counter on the right), you are REQUIRED BY LAW to sign my guestbook.

Wow. Two entries in a row where I demand you to sign my guestbook. This blog is so high-mantienance!

Tonight, I will be attending the cast-and-crew party/premiere screening of The Real Gilligan's Island, which begins tonight on TBS. As you may remember, I logged for this program a few weeks ago.

And what aspect of the party am I most excited for?

To see the castaways, of course! These are people who I watched on tape for hours and hours. And hours. I've witnessed them sleep, eat, argue, not argue, everything. When I was logging, I spent more time with these folks than my own friends and/or loved ones. And now, I'll be able to see them in the flesh. Woah.

I'll make sure to keep my distance though. Otherwise, I'll be inappropriately picking fights with the Professor about his excessive self-righteousness.

Professor Plum, that is! All hail Clue and Cluedo!

Something occurred to me today...

Liam Neeson has starred in both Next of Kin and Kinsey.

Result?

Next of Kinsey!

If you yourself come up with any other connector-titles in an actor's filmography, by all means, put them in my guestbook. I would be much obliged.

Thank you.

Thursday was "Happy Thanksgiving" Day. You should know this - unless, of course, you've been living under a rock (a Plymouth Rock, that is!).

I am thankful for many things in life, but here is what I am most thankful for:

FRIENDS
Friends make you laugh and help you in times of need. Friends are always there for you. I am thankful for my friends.

FAMILY
Your family knows you best and cares for you most. Some people don't like their families, but I do. I am thankful for my family.

SHELTER
I live in a spacious and clean 2-bedroom/2-bathroom apartment with a nice kitchen and even nicer living room. It is located in a safe neighborhood. I also have a cool roommate (see: FRIENDS.) I am thankful for my shelter.

HEALTH
I am not sick. I can run whenever I want. I will be well for a long time. I am thankful for my health.

For these and many other things, I say, "Thank you!"

What are you thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hold onto your derbies! It's a FIREBALL DELUXE show!

Saturday, November 27th
8:00pm
Comedy Underground
320 Wilshire Blvd
Santa Monica, 90401

Email me at strangelove45@hotmail.com if you want to get on the guest list. Then you only have to pay $5.

It's another financial benefit of reading my blog (in addition to my sound stock-market advice).

A few months ago, I bought new socks - "new" as in freshly-bought, not "new" in the sense that I've never owned a pair of socks in this particular style before. Because, to be sure, they're exactly like all my other socks: Short. White. Hanes. They've got grey patches on the heels and on the toes. You've probably seen them before. As in... on my feet. For the last four years.

Which is great. I love having socks that are all the same. In general (you should know), I crave any sort of consistency whatsoever. At Taco Bell, for instance, you will never see me order anything but a Grilled Stuffed Burrito. When I was kid, I ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch every morning for seven years straight. And yes, I've been wearing the same style of socks for the last four years.

This isn't limited to just food and footwear, mind you. There are many, many more examples, but alas... one must always save material for future blogs, yes?

However, there's one problem: These "new" socks I bought are clearly "new-er" than the "old" socks from days of yore. Sure, they're the same in style (re: Short. White. Hanes.), but the "new" socks are brighter and whiter than the "old" socks, which have become grey and worn. Even more discouraging than this, an "old" sock will often be paired with a "new" sock. And Lord knows I can't wear both on my feet.

So what do I do? I set the new sock aside, find two old ones, and put them on my feet instead. I wouldn't dare wear two new socks. Why not? Because they must be saved for special occasions, of course!

Such as? Well, if I ever attended the Governor's Annual Gala-Ball, I would - yes - wear a tuxedo and... ? My li'l, white booty-socks! And naturally, some Foreign Diplomat would insist that I raise my pantlegs for him, so he could see what socks I was wearing. "Oh, fantastic! You wore the new ones," the Foreign Diplomat would say. "Cheerio for not wearing those dastardly grey and worn ones from days of yore!"

It should be noted, however, that this plan is never fool-proof. Eventually, laundry time (for clothes and underwear) comes around and I realize I haven't even worn the new socks. At all. They're just sitting in a big pile - un-worn and under-appreciated.

I don't know why I do this.

But for too long, I hold off on ideal things just because I don't think the time is right.

It's got to be the perfect moment.

I wonder how many times I've missed great experiences because I'm too busy waiting for "the perfect moment."

And this isn't just socks, people. There are many, many more examples, but alas... one must always save material for future blogs, yes?

If you're in Los Angeles and need something to do in 2-and-a-half hours, I'm performing a solo comedy routine at:

I'm in the show.  See my name on the poster? 



In case you didn't know, I legally changed my name to "Free With a One Drink Minimum."



As for the "Paul Rust" listed, that's actually Ray Combs.  I gave him my name - in exchange for a free set of bedsheets.

THE CELEBRITY CITED LIST:
1. Dave "Gruber" Allen (Monday, August 30th, 2004)
2. Gedde Watanabe (Tuesday, September 14th, 2004)
3. Joey Pantoliano (Sunday, September 19th, 2004)
4. Patrick Renna (Monday, September 20th, 2004)
5. Randy Jackson (Tuesday, September 21st, 2004)
6. Richard Riehle (Monday, October 4th, 2004)
7. Dwier Brown (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
8. Betsy Randle (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
9. Michael J. Anderson (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
10. Rider Strong (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
11. Heather Graham (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
12. Andy Berman (Friday, October 29th, 2004)
13. David Spade (Tuesday, November 9th, 2004)
14. Topher Grace (Monday, November 15th, 2004)

Topher Grace, star of That 70's Show, was at Monday night's Fireball Deluxe show. He came to see the opening act - our friends' comedy/singing/performance-art duo Machu Pichu - and stuck around for our show afterwards.

Then, we all went to a German bar/restaurant. I ate a big bratwurst with sauerkraut and mustard.

Excuse me, Jeeves, can you pick up that name for me? I believe I just... dropped it!

STORIES FROM THE VALLEY

Last Saturday evening, Adam, Chris, B-max (visiting from Berkeley), and myself were driving back from Universal Studios (my third trip to the immortal theme park within the last four weeks).

Waiting in traffic, Chris points out how to our left is the Vivid Entertainment building - an enterprise specializing in pornographic materials (i.e. videos, DVD's, and zoetrope lindies). Chris jokes that inside the building, people are having sex. This is a good joke because:

A) It is absurd to believe that just because it's a pornographic business, people must automatically be engaging in sexual intercourse and...
2) That anybody would be working on a Saturday evening anyway

So we look up at the building in question. And wouldn't you know? Through the windows on the top floor, we see large set-lights... a woman (with her back turned) taking off her bra... and a naked man walking around the room.

Indeed, sex was being had. And indeed, a porno was being shot.

Ever since then, we all scour Los Angeles - Chris prophesizing that people are having sex in buildings and us eagerly looking to see the truth.

Yesterday, we saw two people doin' it in the Prudential Financial building.

THE CELEBRITY CITED LIST:
1. Dave "Gruber" Allen (Monday, August 30th, 2004)
2. Gedde Watanabe (Tuesday, September 14th, 2004)
3. Joey Pantoliano (Sunday, September 19th, 2004)
4. Patrick Renna (Monday, September 20th, 2004)
5. Randy Jackson (Tuesday, September 21st, 2004)
6. Richard Riehle (Monday, October 4th, 2004)
7. Dwier Brown (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
8. Betsy Randle (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
9. Michael J. Anderson (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
10. Rider Strong (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
11. Heather Graham (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
12. Andy Berman (Friday, October 29th, 2004)
13. David Spade (Tuesday, November 9th, 2004)

Joe Dirt mastermind/funnyman David Spade was seen having drinks at the M-Bar's weekly "Comedy Death Ray Night" last week. At one point, Mr. Spade left for the bathroom - but not before he stepped on the back of my friend Neil's shoe, tripped, and graced my friend Mike's butt with his free hand.

Hollywood gossip-hounds are arguing if this was by "accident" or by "design." You decide!

With luck, a Holly-burg celebrity-star will grab my cakes sometime soon. Miss Dyan Cannon? I'm waiting!

A new installment in The Paul Rust Script Archive.

In addition to this latest entry, I've gone back and re-formatted all the old ones as well (heavily influenced by/ripped-off from my friend Chris Stangl's own script archive) .

So... go ahead and delve into my my life from four years ago. The old/new awaits you.

I had a horrible accident yesterday...



I fell off a building and transformed into a rad car. The most embarrasing part? It happened right in front of that cute water-tower I've been crushing on for three years! I can kiss "Prom 2005" good-bye!

To ease my pain, I wore my favorite fake-moustache and adopted a kindly penguin, but that only made things worse...



Keith the Penguin's alright when he's alone, but get him with his walrus-buddies and all he wants to do is show off. I'll have pie in my hair for weeks! It's times like these that I miss my good, old friend...



But I can never seem to find him!

Oh, well. Happy Hunting, Waldo-philes!

America's love affair with 80's nostaglia continues! My Little Pony t-shirts, Transformers DVD box-sets, and rampant conservatism. Blind, arrogant conservatism.

Do I smell a Rambo sequel, Mr. Stallone?

THE CELEBRITY CITED LIST:
1. Dave "Gruber" Allen (Monday, August 30th, 2004)
2. Gedde Watanabe (Tuesday, September 14th, 2004)
3. Joey Pantoliano (Sunday, September 19th, 2004)
4. Patrick Renna (Monday, September 20th, 2004)
5. Randy Jackson (Tuesday, September 21st, 2004)
6. Richard Riehle (Monday, October 4th, 2004)
7. Dwier Brown (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
8. Betsy Randle (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
9. Michael J. Anderson (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
10. Rider Strong (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
11. Heather Graham (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
12. Andy Berman (Friday, October 29th, 2004)

Walking on Hollywood Boulevard after viewing Disney's "Saw" at Mann's Chinese Theatre, Rick and I walked by Mr. Berman (who you'll remember as Chuck Coleman from "The Wonder Years" and John Candy's assistant Ernie in "Rookie of the Year").

Although it was only a brief sighting (2 - maybe 3 - seconds) and on a heavily crowded city sidewalk to boot, Rick and I - each and our own - seperately recognized the nearly-forgotten actor who we last saw in a movie from 11 years ago.

This, ladies and gentlemen - amongst many other reasons - is why Rick Herbst is one of my best friends.

Give 'em hell, boy-o!

P.S. If you watched "America's Funniest Videos" last night, you saw me on national television for the very first time. This means that next time you run into me in person, you have to add me to YOUR "Celebrity Sighted List."

P.P.S. You should vote tomorrow. However, if my weblog is the sole place that informed you of the presidential elections, then you are grossly uninformed. But vote anyway. As the aforementioned Rick put it, "Voting is the new not voting."

You should watch...

"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST VIDEOS"
Sunday, October 31st
7pm (6pm/Central)
ABC

I'm not promisin' anything, but... it could be cool.

THE CELEBRITY CITED LIST:
1. Dave "Gruber" Allen (Monday, August 30th, 2004)
2. Gedde Watanabe (Tuesday, September 14th, 2004)
3. Joey Pantoliano (Sunday, September 19th, 2004)
4. Patrick Renna (Monday, September 20th, 2004)
5. Randy Jackson (Tuesday, September 21st, 2004)
6. Richard Riehle (Monday, October 4th, 2004)
7. Dwier Brown (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
8. Betsy Randle (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
9. Michael J. Anderson (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
10. Rider Strong (Monday, October 25th, 2004)
11. Heather Graham (Monday, October 25th, 2004)

Driving to The Grove Stadium 14 with Adam and our guest Rick Herbst, I think to myself how great it'd be if Rick got to spot a celebrity during his trip to Los Angeles, California. Why, it's a treat that only this city can offer. I double-dare Chicago to show me Patrick Renna eating a hot dog.

So the three of us are killing time at a nearby Barnes and Nobles before the movie. Eventually, it's time for us to go, so we head for the escalators (AKA "future stairs"). And who should we spy browsing books and wearing a FDNY ballcap? I'll give you a hint: it's Rider Strong (AKA Shawn Hunter from "Boy Meets World.")! You remember Shawn. He was the devil-may-care-rebel to Ben Savage's straight-arrow-ugly. He taught the men of my generation how to comb their hair and brood. And look pissed. And brood.

Wow. "The Topanga Files." Mrs. Matthews last weekend. I swear "Boy Meets World" is stalking me.

Speaking of stalking, the three of us decide to follow Rider Strong around Barnes and Nobles. We've got our reasons though (just like all good stalkers do). We're unsure if it is indeed him, so we need concrete confirmation. A clear-cut view of the Rider. So we duck behind book shelves and sneak passing glances until we are 100% sure. Yes, it is him. The Rider.

This was all VERY unnecessary, of course, when we realize Rider Strong is walking behind us on the escalators... and out of Barnes and Nobles... into the movie theatre... and IN THE ROW BEHIND US AT THE MOVIES.

Holy shit.

So, we play it cool before "Sideways" starts. Rick subtly references the weirdness of the entire situation by discussing how back at Yale, he saw Sandra Day O'Connor hailing a taxi. Maybe Rider will hear this. Maybe he'll pick up on our code. During the move, there's much talk about a central character who is a has-been TV star, which hits painfully close to home for the man whose sitting directly behind us. Adam, Rick, and I all wince. Does Rider take this to heart? Does he know WE know?

But I soon realize... all of this... my fear that he's stalking us, my hope that he's listening to our conversation, my belief that he feels our pain for him... is misguided. None of this is happening. It's arrogant for me to think so. In truth, I am nothing to Rider Strong. Compared to Rider Strong, I am... Ben Savage.

The movie ends.

On our way out, we see "Boogie Nights" and "Austin Powers 2" lead Heather Graham - sprawled on the theatre seats, PDA-ing with her boyfriend.

Jesus. Wow. Heather Graham.

I don't know need her B-grade celebrity status mucking up my list.

As anyone who's ever been in a supermarket check-out line can attest, TV Guide (AKA "Television Guide") has their perennial favorite "The Best TV You're Not Watching" issue. You've read it at your grandmother's house. Or your cousin's.

Well, my blog has a similar goal as well. It's called "The Best TV You're Not Watching"... Blog.

It's the Trinity Broadcast Network's Saturday morning line-up.

You seriously need to watch this.

Mind you, you're gonna' have to get up early. Or stay up very late. In Los Angeles, it begins at 3am. In the Central Time Zone, it's 5am (I know because I used to watch it there, too).

And believe me, you're missing so much.

Here are my two favorites:

1. "Circle Square" - a group of 6-8 children (ranging from the ages of 9-14) hang out in a ranch with two adult... puppets. They do sketches, read viewer mail, and sing songs. One cool thing is when songs are sung, their titles and an acompanying number are listed on the bottom of the screen. Apparently, the viewer is supposed to have a song-book to join in. I don't have this song-book.

2. "Joy Junction" - located in the center of an old-west town square, a Sherriff (who my friend pointed out looks more like an elementary school principal than a sherriff) referees various competitions between child contestants (all of them curiously from the 2nd grade). How fast do you think two kids could eat donuts on a string? This show will tell you!

And of course, all of these shows have a heavy Christian foundation. Bible verses and Jesus-talk abound. It's like church, but with games and mid-80's graphics. In other words... great television.

So... I can count on you getting up at 5am and watching this, right?

Good.

What's funnier? "Little-to-Big" or "Big-to-Little?"

To find out, let's use WWII (LIKE WE ALWAYS DO).

"Little-to-Big" is an ordinary bad cell-phone connection (AKA "Little") between President Truman and General Lena Horne, that creates such a grave misunderstanding, it results in the bombing and destruction of Hiroshima (AKA "Big").

What?! You said "Drop the Batom Rom?!"

"Big-to-Little" is thousands of proud Americans celebrating the NYC Victory Day parade amidst falling ticker-tape and sailors makin' out with dames (AKA "Big"), but two plumbers sit on a fire escape, watching it all and saying to themselves, "Yeah... I mean, I guess" (AKA "Little").

Then they argue over who the dog likes more.

"Little-to-Big" or "Big-to-Little?" Vote on November 2nd!

THE CELEBRITY CITED LIST:
1. Dave "Gruber" Allen (Monday, August 30th, 2004)
2. Gedde Watanabe (Tuesday, September 14th, 2004)
3. Joey Pantoliano (Sunday, September 19th, 2004)
4. Patrick Renna (Monday, September 20th, 2004)
5. Randy Jackson (Tuesday, September 21st, 2004)
6. Richard Riehle (Monday, October 4th, 2004)
7. Dwier Brown (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
8. Betsy Randle (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)
9. Michael J. Anderson (Saturday, October 16th, 2004)

Saturday night. Three celebrities. Am I really this blessed?!

When Dwier Brown (as John Kinsella) played catch with his estranged son in "Field of Dreams," audiences wept across America. And when Dwier Brown (as Dwier Brown) told me where I could find the theatre box-office, I wet across my pants.

Michael J. Anderson (who your older brother knows as that "little fella from Twin Peaks") was enjoying a late-night dinner at House of Pies. I watched Anderson from afar, but my friend Chris (a fan of Anderson's) approached him and thanked him for his work. A Celebrity-Sighted first! As such, Chris will receive a complimentary "Celebrity Sighted" mug and duffel bag. Keep up the good work!

And finally, actress Betsy Randle was sighted as a fellow audience member at a play I attended. Imagine my elation when an actor onstage mentioned "Topanga Canyon." That's right. TOPANGA Canyon. Ms. Randle was the mom in "Boy Meets World," which featured... a character named Topanga! You effin' know Betsy was thinking about her right then.

Awwww, what a night.

Elton John may have thought that Saturday night's alright for fightin', but I think... it's alirght for celebrity-sightin'!

This afternoon, my friend Mike and I hiked in the Hollywood hills (to burn off all those Snackwell's!)

Driven by our unquenchable thirst for adventure (and Snackwell's!), we trekked all the way up to the "HOLLYWOOD" sign. And guess what we saw behind the second "L?"

You guessed it. Harrison Ford and Tea Leoni smokin' a doobie! They were pretty cool. Nice folks in all. But then Mike and I offered them a Snackwell's (we had them in our knapsacks!) and those celeb-u-taunts would have nothing of it.

Harri-sonic, Jr. (our nickname for Harrison "Hari-sonic, Jr." Ford) said, "I will NOT put that poison in my body." And Tea-sonic, Jr. (our nickname for Mrs. Duchovany) added, "Me either."

Tea's "Me either" was the final, destructive blow. Mike and I were crushed. We lowered our heads and walked down the Hollywood hills. Backwards.

But we showed 'em. Guess what two dudes slipped five Snackwell's cookies into Harri-sonic and Tea-sonic's picnic?

That's right...

Phil Donahue and Geena Davis.

Mike and I asked Phil-sonic, Sr. and Geena-sonic, Sr. to pull the prank for us. Those two owed us BIG favors. You see, I was a Production Assistant on "Donahue" from 1986-to-mid-1986 and Mike was married to Geena for three glorious months in 1992.

Although, if you ask me, Mike owes Geena the favor! Y'ouch!

This is Paul Rust, reporting from Hollyweird. And remember: Keep it on the "DL" - The "Dion Landers!"

As a youth, did you ever watch movies in a darkened classroom - while outside, it was a cold and breezey autumnal Friday afternoon?

No? Okay. 'Cuz I think I have.

At the very least, I've been thinking about it a lot.

Why do I keep going back to this? It's not even a specific memory. I don't know where it occurred. It could be junior high or high school or second grade. Maybe even college.

All I know is that it's rich in tone and mood and feeling. The promise of possibilities and the pang of things passed.

Nostalgia, friends!

Nostalgia hurts the most during Autumn. Or Spring. Or Winter. Or whatever season I happen to be in at the time.

Winter is shaggy hair in a cold car. Spring is cutting your hair on a breezey driveway. Summer is shaving your head in a basement. And Autumn is... watching movies in a darkened classroom? Whatever!

Uhhhhh. I'm writing a blog I will later hate. BUT I WILL NOT DELETE IT!

Don't worry though. All is well for your friend Pauly Dangerfield. This is just one of those simple 3-hour funks that people incorrectly archive in their blogs as "PROFOUND REVELATIONS," but then forget about by the next morning. That's when they're soon having "ONE OF THE HAPPIEST TIMES IN THEIR LIVES."

But not me. I live on an even plain.

I am a rock. I am a "Real Gilligan's Island."

Holy shit. The phrase "the pang of things passed" will haunt me for days.

Come back soon. Jokes and witty observations will be dropping by any minute.