Wednesday, May 23, 2007

For a couple of years now, the right side of my car has been all smashed up.

Recently, while I was driving down Melrose Avenue, a guy pulled up to me and yelled out from his car window, "Hey, buddy! I can fix your car for $250!"

I politely declined and said, "No thanks."

To which he replied...

"Okay, okay. I'll do it for $500!"

Sir, you drive a hard bargain.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

When I was 13 years old, I really wanted to see Pulp Fiction, but since it was rated R, I wasn't allowed to. So instead, I got my fix through the bits and pieces I'd see in TV ads and clips on talk shows. And the part that I saw most of all was the Uma Thurman/John Travolta dance sequence.

And that was the one scene that everybody talked about. On and on and on. But I only got to see a brief part of it. So I'd imagine what the scene was like - what happened and how it began and end. How they danced and how it looked and all that. And in my mind, it was the best scene in film history.

But then about a year later, I finally saw the big scene and it was very, very, very underwhelming. Not that it could ever live up to my fantasy.

Anyway, I just got done watching Pulp Fiction and I saw that scene and it was awesome. Now I know what everyone was talking about!


Growing up, I heard so much about that goddamned food fight! How it was THE food fight scene to end all food fight scenes in film. I heard so much hype about it that when I'd watch other movies with food fight scenes, I'd think, "Well, that was awesome, but I bet the one in Animal House is mind-blowing!"

Then I finally saw it when I was 11 years old and holy shit, does it suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. It lasts, like, maybe - and I'm being very generous here - 25 seconds. And then it's over. And it's only in one high-angle wide shot. So lame.

In fact, the first time I saw it, I was so disappointed that I had to lie to myself. "Well, it's on TBS. They HAD to cut it down. It's too intense for basic cable." I had to delude myself because I couldn't bear to think that I had been lied to all these years.

And then of course, later, I saw it on video. And it still sucked.

It's too bad. In my mind, it was an epic food fight. It lasted as long as 15 minutes. And there were multiple close-ups of people throwing food and ducking behind over-turned tables. And every character fought in the food fight with an entire cafeteria of food at their disposal. And oh, one character even developed a special high-tech food-fight gadget to throw food really quickly. And there was definitely a shot of John Belushi soaring through the air in slow-motion, chucking food at others below him.

But it's not like that. NOT AT ALL!

Dear Hollywood, when will you finally make this food fight scene?

Paul Rust